How Far I Got With A Bachelors of Art

I had the feeling!

2012-01-29T20:18:00.000-08:00

Quick quick quick update. So turns out HistoryGuy and I didn't click. We didn't converse very well and to be honest, there wasn't a "spark" there. I thought a spark would happen, but it didn't.

Seriously, oh my gosh though! There was a spark today! Of all days! I wasn't expecting there to be a spark (ok maybe a little), I thought I was just coming out to meet this great sounding guy (who writes very well by the way). But wow, we just hit it off!

Okay, so let me tell you more about him. He blogs! He freaken blogs! Are you kidding me, you can't make that stuff up. What else, he's very handsome, of course. Rugged good looks. I did not see that in my cards, honestly. Oh gosh. He's quirky and geeky like me too, in a very similar way. He says he says "me thinks". That's just so endearing to me. We both have a love of books and enjoy public transit most of time.

We share many life experiences (similar SES, both out, both have had awkward online dating experiences, similarities in personal boundaries, he's also a really considerate person too, I love that). His personality too. Spot on at the moment.

Sidenote: Same height. I know it doesn't seem like a big thing, but I'm usually taller or shorter than the people I meet. It's just nice to have someone be the same height.

I'm so drunk on happiness. It may sound cliche, but I didn't think I would be able to have this feeling again. But I'm experiencing it. Here and now.

More about the date. We talked about fun stuff like his views on politicians and books he was reading and psychology things from me of course. He mentioned Omega-3 in casual conversation. I'm lucky the pants didn't come off right then and there. Wait wait, I'm digressing. We planned to have coffee together but we drove around first. He drove. Did I mention that I can't drive on this blog yet? I'm not proud of it, but my motor coordination leaves much to be desired. We drove around looking for a coffee place and chatted during it drive. It was so lovely, seriously. We talked about things like femininity and masculinity, our past exes, what we are looking for and how we are looking for it, our feelings on the word love.

He drove us to the airport. So quiet and personal. Considerate thing, he mentioned that if I needed to pee, there was a washroom nearby he could take me too. And I did, and he drove me there and waited for me to finish. We talked for hours. We met up at 3.30pm (he got there early by the way, awesomeness), and our date/meeting ended at 7.00pm. It was the best time. He made just wonderful physical contacts with me. A nudge of the leg. A touch on the arm. Me touching his hand. And the night ended with a hug. One of the best hugs I've had to date. It was definitely filled with good feelings.

Anywho, I am going to try and enjoy this high as long as I can, because it's amazing and I miss this feeling. Date date to come soon. I think we are going to catch some dinner in two or four days time.

Ahhhhhh! My heart! I just can't believe what my heart is doing.

Yours truly,
SG

History Guy (formerly History Kid)

2011-11-01T17:09:00.001-07:00

Ahhh, so excited to tell this one. So history guy and I met through the magic of OkCupid, it's like Grindr except it's less focused on hook ups and more focused on matching people based on answers to various questions. I came across his profile after broadening my search criteria. There it was. "HistoryGuy", with the default generic blue figure for those who didn't upload a profile picture. I was curious, so I clicked.

University student studying history, loves kids and wants to have them in the future, enjoys listening and cooking, and looking for a long-term relationship. Check, check and check. If only I could post his actual profile. It reads oh so well. I was sold. I sent him a simple message, "I read your profile and think you sound like a great guy. We should chat sometime." Soon after we started leaving each other messages through the OkCupid mailing system. The conversation flowed wonderfully smooth. We went from our shared liking of "Where the Red Fern Grows" to our love of animals to our actually having animals to our fields of study. It soon came to the point where we wanted an upgrade. HistoryGuy writes, "We should via MSN or Skype sometime, hell, maybe even meet in person. :)" I sent him my information and we were chatting on Live Messenger by the weekend.

I have to admit that he is probably one of the best conversational partners I have ever had. It was a blissful weekend of chatting about movies, music, food, hopes, dreams. I was giddy with excitement and taken by his writing. After many hours and even more smiling emoticons, meeting in person seemed to be inevitable. HistoryGuy writes, "Hmmmm... how would you feel about meeting in person." I was definitely up for it. After going through our schedules, it seemed like the next day seemed like the best option. Literally, about 13 hours after we had finished chatting. I was nervous.

What would he be like in person? What would he look like? What would he think of me? Was my profile picture too flattering? From his profile, all I knew was that he was about half a foot taller than I was. In my mind I imagined that I would only come up to about the level of his crotch and that he would occasionally tousle my hair with his massive shadowy hand, amused by my child like stature. I slept, eagerly awaiting the new day. I took a half day that day (which was actually yesterday Halloween), so we met for lunch at the local university eatery.

I walked in. No one matching the description was inside. All I saw was one person, who was no the right ethnicity and another who was clearly not the right age. Perhaps, I read the sign wrong, I thought. I went back outside to double-check and there he was, HistoryGuy in all his glory. Hahaha, I've always wanted to say that. I have to admit that he actually has the look and feel of a history teacher, which was interesting. We said our hellos and made our way in.

The restaurant was cozy, full of bright colours and wonderful aromas. We started off by chatting. I have to admit that it was a bit rough at first. It was like we needed to constantly talk and move onto new topics but it was a lot better when we decided to select some items from the menu. He got the soup and sandwich and I got the chili. The food was delicious. Although, I kind of expected that it would be, given that he was a bit of a foodie.

The pacing of the conversation became a bit better with only short moments of awkward silence, which I usually filled in with drinking water. He did say that he preferred having a conversation with me in person as opposed to online. It was nice. He was nice. I was getting a vibe from him. Perhaps, it was an "I like you vibe". There was so much to like about him. He collects antique books, he wants to see Wicked, he has an appreciation for psychology.

We soon finished our lunch and pondered what to do next. I suggested a walk and he happily obliged. We actually went and saw some parts of campus I had never seen before. It was a wonderful walk with wonderful conversation. Honestly, he's really quirky and adorable. I kind of wanted to jump on his back and ask for a piggyback or kiss him on the cheek to see how he would respond, but it's a bit too soon for that, so I refrained.

Time soon caught up with us and we needed to go our separate ways. The goodbye was awkward. We hugged and said we'd meet again. He said my name and I said his in our goodbye. I texted bestie the good news soon afterwards. He was excited for me.

Now the caveat of this wonderful day was that there were only passing moments of attraction, but maybe that was because we were meeting for the first time and because it wasn't technically a date. The odd thing is, I want it to become more. I think he could be the ideal partner for me. He's kind, warm, cute, intelligent and family oriented. I keep imagining what it would be like if everything worked out. With our children running around, us reading them bedtime stories, going to parent teacher conferences, the works. Oh and also the amazing intimacy we would share inside and outside of the bedroom. Cuddled up in a blanket together watching a movie, my head resting on his shoulder or his head resting on mine. Slow dancing together at the LGBT prom. Me laying on his bare belly on a Saturday morning as we talk just about anything. He relays a funny anecdote and we share a laugh. One could easily say that I'm projecting all of my wants and needs onto HistoryGuy and I would probably agree with you on some level.

But I like him all the same. I hope things turn out well with this one. I will try to take things as slow as possible. Slow and steady wins the race, in this case, I suppose it will be the guy, the history guy.

Lots of love,
SG

Jacob: No Moon

2011-11-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

Guess who met up with both Jacob on the weekend? It was a train wreck, see below for more details.

Okay, Jacob and I met this past Sunday.

Texts from the morning....
Jacob: "Do you wanna watch a movie at my place?"
SG: "Aren't we going to watch a movie later today?" (we had planned on meeting at 3:00pm at the theatre)
Jacob: "We can stay at my place for a while then go later."
SG: "Sorry but I don't go to guys houses without meeting them in person first. We can catch the 1:00pm showing instead if that works better"
Jacob: "Sure, I'm going to hop in the shower and I'll meet you there"

Since I had work that morning, I just hopped on the train and headed straight to the theatre instead of heading home. I grabbed a quick bite of tuna sushi and got to the theatre at exactly 1:00pm. He came up the escalator and we met.

The first thing I noticed was that he had big hands. Very manly. The second thing I noticed was that he didn't talk much. *cue some dead silence*

We started with some simple staples of conversation, "how was your day", "what other movies have you seen", "do you want to watch the digital or 3D version of Puss in Boots?" (We watched the 3D) and we finished with more simple staples of conversation, "are you a fan of frozen yogurt", "would you like some popcorn?"

He tended to give monotone, one word answers and left very little room for follow-up questions. Needless to say, it wasn't the rollercoaster of fun that I was looking for. The highlight of the evening was when something surprising happened in the movie and he jumped from out of his seat and sent some popcorn flying into the faces of our neighbours.

To top off the evening, he would occasionally check his Grindr, an iPhone application for friends, dating and hooking up (but from my experience, it's more hooking up than friends and dating). I know it was petty, but I just started texting my bestie to make post-terrible-date plans afterwards.

After the movie, Jacob opens his mouth and says, "I've got to go downtown after this to meet up with a friend." Now remember that we had decided to catch a movie that was 2 hours earlier. I replied with a simple, "That's fine. It was nice to meet you." And we parted ways.

Luckily, bestie was at a local Starbucks at the time, so I grabbed a green tea and we caught up.

So that was Jacob, ohh, but stay tuned for History Guy, he was pretty much the opposite of Jacob.

Much love,
SG

Life Update 2011

2011-10-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

It's been such a long time since we last talked, so let me give you an update on my life so far. I do have more time now that I'm ... ... bum bum bum ... single.

I've accepted another job as an administrative assistant to a very important person. The work is challenging and I feel like I never have enough time, but the people are amazing and I feel like they are actually trying to make a difference in the world. As a result, I could see myself staying until I can no longer handle the workload.

Research has also picked up. We are nearing the end of our data collection and now it's all about completing the last conditions, which is like torture some days, but c'est la vie. I've been reading up on analysis of variance or ANOVA in preparation for the data analysis. I'll also be applying to graduate school 2 years from now. Boy does that sound like a long time. But I will actually need to start applying in a year and half and there is a long process involved in that, so I think I gave myself enough time.

I've also been working out a bit more consistently these days. Every other day an hour of weightlifting and cardio. I'm noticing a bit of a change actually. I was drying myself after a shower recently and my pec flexed. Firstly, I was surprised I had grown at least some pecs and then it actually noticeably moved. I was very satisfied to say the least.

On to the meatier news though, my life post-breakup. I have to admit that I have had my ups and downs this past month, but I'm surviving. I think I am getting used to the fact that it's just me on my own, not that I don't appreciate the time with family, it's just not the same as having a partner/boyfriend/significant other. I feel like I'm monopolizing all of the besties time though. Luckily, by coincidence, they have time to kill or errands that they need help with, so it's all time well spent.

I'm surprised at how clean this breakup has been for me emotionally. I feel like that chapter of my life is over and that I won't return to it. I have no regrets. I did my best and I'm satisfied with how things played out. Although I don't know if we can be friends after all of this, it's just too complicated. Didn't it take me about 5 years to even start talking with my first ex again? I just can't switch from the completely selfless partner mindset to a just friends mindset. It would unsettle me.

On to the wonderful world of dating! I'm definitely more aggressive than I was before and it has been pretty interesting. Let me give you a short summary of the guys I have met and am planning to meet so far. Mostly, it is just chatting right now, but hopefully one of them will grow into something more.

In order of who I have met. Nicknames summarizing each guy provided (I don't mean to insult anyone, it's just a lot easier to keep track of each guy if you have a handy label that summarizes who they are).

(Kid denotes younger aged guys)

1. Gameshow kid. He went to my high school and also did the same trivia gameshow that I did when I was in high school. I have to admit I thought this guy was very promising. The content of what he says implies that he is an altruistic and highly intelligent person versed in politics, general knowledge and science. However, his nonverbal behavior (in particular the way he speaks) is quite cold, uninterested and a bit pessimistic. And he has a disdain for research! *gasp*

We met in person for coffee at Starbucks downtown. It was quite nice. We chatted about our life, what high school was like and played a game of choices (given the choice of A or B, both bad choices, which one would we settle with). I have to admit I had some feelings for him. Although upon further analysis with the help of my male bestie, it seems like I may have been taken by his good looks and his tall stature rather than him as a person. A classic case of misattributing arousal for liking. (Or a classic case of him not demonstrating a liking for me and therefore I backed away).

2. McDonalds kid. He's decent and he seems interested in me. He works a full-time shift that tends to be graveyards though, so I'm not too sure if scheduling will work in this relationship's favor. We have rescheduled twice after initially planning to meet 2 weeks ago. So it doesn't look promising. I feel like I can't get a good impression of him until we meet, so stay tuned about this one.

3. "Jacob". I found a guy who looks like Jacob from the Twilight series. Okay, I have to admit that I'm not a fanatical Twilight fan, but come on, Jacob is uber hot regardless of what show he is in. We have been chatting back and forth and a movie "date" is tentatively in the works. He wants to see Puss in Boots which is a big plus in my boots (hahaha, too corny?). I called him adorable for suggesting the movie and of course said that I would be up for it too. After a few weeks of chatting, I got his number! I'm doing it guys! I'm succeeding at this pursuing guys thing.

4. "History kid". We just started talking today. He's a history major from my university and he is looking to become a secondary school teacher. He loves animals and we share a favourite childhood book. He also loves children. He sounds very very good. The only downside is that he doesn't have a profile picture, so I can't really confirm his identity. He could be any person creating a false persona. Although we have been writing short notes to each other throughout the day which I really enjoy.

I'm really enjoying the variety of guys and the different styles of interaction they all have. It's very enlightening and the socializing makes me feel great. Although my free time has been eliminated to about nothing. It's worth it though, I feel like this is what I've been missing. On the search for Mr. Right.

Interesting sidenotes: 2 of the guys are filipino, all of the guys are taller than I am (which I guess means I'm really short), and all of the guys are out to their family.

That's all for today! I wonder how my readership is doing after my extended hiatus. Thanks guys and gals!

Yours truly,
SG

We broke up...

2011-09-24T10:19:00.001-07:00

Yup, we did.

SG

I feel oddly empowered today

2011-05-10T00:03:00.001-07:00

Has anyone been keeping up with 1 girl 5 gays? I have been watching it religiously. This week alone, probably 4-5 hours. Love the topics, it's hilarious, and so empowering.

I wonder if other gay men like myself go through phases where you just feel empowered and for lack of a better word "fierce". Today, I went to work and I was just so satisfied with how I looked and what I chose to wear. I'll be honest, there may have been a bit of a strut. I was channeling a bit of Carrie Bradshaw today. I felt pretty.

I'm studying the GRE, which SUCKS! Learning a bunch of new vocabulary words like penury which means severe poverty or extreme lack of resources. I don't know if I'll ever use that word. Oh, but I really like hermetic which means tightly sealed, I'm going to try to use that one.

I am most afraid of failing the math section but I think with enough studying I can do it. My test is in July and if I screw it up, I'll be forced to take the brand new revised version of the GRE, which just happened to be released during the year that I needed to take the GRE. I heard it was harder, thank you ivory tower cash cows.

Anyways, today's lesson is to make being you the coolest thing that anyone could be, but not in a stuck up way.

Love,
SG

The Good Times

2011-02-08T18:30:00.000-08:00

This may be in stark contrast to my last post but nonetheless, all couples have good and bad periods. It actually reminds me of a lecture a few years ago. Some couples can be classified as volatile, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Volatile relationships (in an academic sense, rather than a layperson's sense) are the kind that could be described as fighting like dogs but making up like... hahaha... bunnies? That's cute and dirty at the same time. With that I present our day on the mountain...

We went snowboarding! Well he went snowboarding, while I learned and fell over and over and over. Once I just fell forward, face first into the snow, sliding down the hill for a meter. I lost my keys for a good 15 minutes and was reprimanded by the Operations clerks for walking down the mountain in my snowboarding boots (they did say that given the circumstances it was alright this one time).

The ski lift was romantic and provided a beautiful view of the mountain. By the end of the day, I think I learned to snowboard a bit. I don't fall down as much now.

Freddie and I are good. It was fun. We hit the hot tubs and then a bbt/restaurant after than.

I really need to figure out this writing stuff again. I'm very out of the groove.

Anywho that's all for now.

SG

On Relationship Conflict

2011-01-29T10:52:00.001-08:00

After a conflict, does relationship maintenance depend on a constant appraisal of the conflict with the strength of the relationship?

I ask this because yesterday I experienced 3 instances of conflict and went to bed unhappy and, to be honest, pissed the f!@#*& off. Naturally, I thought this experience required scientific inquiry.

Conflict 1: Stop saying p****!

Analysis: Frustration from playing online video game? Frustration from being tired?

Conflict 2: You are delusional. (Definition of delusion: A false belief or opinion)

Analysis: He didn't know what I was laughing at, and thus concluded that I was mentally unstable? Frustration from game/work?

Conflict 3: Play the g*dd** song and don't turn your back to me!

Analysis: You have got to be f***ing kidding me! Well, at least that was what I was thinking last night. Oh, and I can't believe I played the song afterwards, ugh, I feel so dirty and pathetic thinking about it. Next time, yell or storm off, a little personal advice from me.

Bonus Conflict: Going to bed calmly without guilt or an apology. Priceless.

You know what? I just came to the realization that a Rogerian approach to relationship conflict would be interesting to see.

Whew, can you feel the catharsis?

Sincerely,

P.S. H*ll yea!

Oh I'm loving this right now.

Year Off Update

2010-12-14T22:05:00.000-08:00

Long time no see. A lot has happened and yet nothing has happened at the same time. I graduated! Yay! And now I am working with my undergraduate research supervisor. The work is amazing and pays well, which helps because I have rent and food bills to pay. Just yesterday, one of our lovely lab members showed me a quick way to fold a t-shirt, it was awesome! See this link!

I am in the midst of preparing for grad school. Masters in psychology actually. I'm thinking I should study GLBT issues in psychology, which leads me to think relationship studies might interest me. Although technically all types of research can be made into GLBT research when you use a GLBT population. I just think relationship studies might actually keep me interested in the long run, which I'll need if I go the PhD route.

I'm looking over the GRE materials, and am currently undergoing the math review. I think some of the answers are wrong, but it could also be my math. Did anyone do the math review package on the GRE webpage yet? Some of the answers are wrong right? How does adding the square root of 300 to the square root of 12 equal 5?

So it's my year off technically. It sucks. Apparently grad school preparation should have been done a year in advance, which means when I apply this coming September, it will be for next September. So it'll be 2 years until I taste the sweet nectar of academia again.

I've been watching Glee. In particular, Blaine and Kurt, or Klaine. I love them so much! I need me some more Blaine and Kurt. Seeing those boys together makes me happy. Although they really need to move their relationship along, fast, because Kurt needs his good times and our community, during this pivotal time of high GLBT suicide rates, needs this message that It Gets Better. I totally regret not seeing Dan Savage's lecture at our university now... Oh well... who would have thought that he would begin what would be an awesome trend of uplifting and humanizing stories throughout the web.

I've also been playing Black Ops, surprisingly, I'm very into the game. Don't know why. Maybe it's classic Freudian sublimation?

That's all for now!

Cheers,
SG

Where have I been?

2010-11-04T12:37:00.001-07:00

Where have I been? I'm alive, just transitioning from school to work. I moved twice since the last post... and it's almost going to be our 1 year anniversary.

I am not sure if I'll be back... yet... but considering me at least temporarily away from the blogosphere.

Cheers,
SG

Came out!

2010-05-04T00:07:00.001-07:00

I finally did it! Finally came out to good ole mother! Her response was interesting, but it all happened Sunday May 2nd 2010.

Freddie had taken all the kids out of the house, so that I could have some alone time with mom. I sat down on her king or queen sized been and nervously built up the courage to tell her. It was a lot of, "mom, I have something to tell you... umm... umm... um...." For some reason I remember her looking at me through the mirror in between sewing her pants. And then she said something like, "be a man and just tell me." So I did. "Mom, I like boys."

Her response was something in the area of "that's just silly, what would Freddie's parents think, being gay is a North American phenomenon, it's fine if you are lifelong friends, you just haven't found the right girl yet, I don't have any friends, sometimes I just go to my room and cry myself to sleep because I have no one to talk to." So what was supposed to be a moment about my need for validation quickly became about her needs and her experience, which I guess I'm fine with.

I kind of just went to my room and sat there for a while. Freddie came back and asked for the story. I told him. Her response was neutral. She still treated Freddie the exact same way. Did I mention that she absolutely adores him. I might be a little jealous, but I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Needless to say... oh wait! I immediately texted my two sisters. Their response was supportive which was nice and my facebook status has also changed to include "is in a relationship with Freddie." I guess a lot has happened this weekend, which brings me to a pretty big point.

My mind is boggled, but less so now as I am writing. It feels like I'm super stressed out about nothing, even when my brain has no information in it. It sucks. I think I'm just adapting emotionally to all the big changes that happened including my recent graduation. It's a lot, now that I think about it.

I think I just need some piece and quiet time. Or at least some time to clear my head. Did I mention that even though I start my research job next week, my supervisor really needs a few things done because of deadlines, so I might have to inject a bit of work here and there during my week off.

I feel like a wreck. I feel so moody, not like bitchy, but like going from happy to sad, happy to sad. It hard. And you know how I don't like feeling sad. Maybe I'm just a bit extra sensitive now that so many things have changed.

At least I'm at Freddie's and hopefully will get some relaxing time in today. =p

That's all for today folks.

Good night and hope everyone is well,
SG

The Mega Update Post!

2010-03-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

I'm back! I don't know how consistently yet, but I'm back!

Where to start...

1) Psychology Conference

Soooo.... I presented my topic at the conference! Umm... I was so busy that I winged the whole thing. Freddie actually helped me format most of the powerpoint so that it looked nice and wonderfully escorted me to the conference. Awwww, he's so sweet.

There were technical difficulties in my panel. Namely, the projector wouldn't connect to a MAC because it had no adapter. I asked an A/V guy for it and he said it was being used at the moment. So I had to switch over.

The talk went well. My evaluation at the end of the day was a "Very Good". Considering I winged it, that was nice.

Our keynote speaker of the day was none other than the VP Research. He was quite articulate. Although I was a little annoyed when he plugged a green project he was currently working on at the end of his talk. I guess that's how people do it.

My first conference presentation. Not too shabby at all.

2) Graduation difficulties

Are you freaking kidding me. Due to a computer hiccup, I almost didn't graduate. For some reason it didn't recognize some of the courses I took for my minor and, as a result, didn't want to let me graduate this semester. Hell to the no! Hahaha, I went to advising and then my minor supervisor. After much discussion, I think my supervisor punched advising one in the mouth (her exact words were "This is unacceptable" but I like to think there was also a little bit of "Let me handle this" too) because everything is fine now. Nonetheless, that ate up a lot of my time.

3) Employment

I have new bosses at my bookings job. My direct supervisor is a f-ing tool as the kids say. He likes to suck up to our manager but treats the rest of us poorly. One coworker called him "d*ck" and another set her hours so that she would not have to work with him. I think that speaks for itself.

4) Relationship

Freddie and I are going strong. Hahaha, I'll be honest, we are pretty much cohabiting at this point... since I pretty much see him everyday. It's just really nice. I wake up to a kiss and go to bed with a kiss. It is truly a treat.

5) Exams

I hate them. Enough said. Can't wait until they are over.

6) I fell

I fell you guys. On stone stairs. I went down hard on my right hand and it seriously looks gross. It's healing for now, but it makes it really hard to do things, both fun and regular activities. I'm okay to type now thankfully. A few days ago using my right hand would cause the gauze to be soaked with blood and then overflow from the pores of the bandage. Not pretty.

It's not a big cut and not that deep, I would say less than an inch wide and hence not requiring doctor's attention (I know my first aid). It just bleeds a lot which is normal. Clotting isn't something that my family does well.

7) Grant!

I got a grant to do research!!! Hahaha, guess who has a job in the summer! Whew, that'll give me some time to work on my grad school application and find a good job (if and when my grant runs out).

Whew that's it for updates. I finish in mid-May so expect a whole different experience then. I'll have a different life by then. Out in the real world. Can't wait for that.

Cheers,
SG

Negative! Yay!

2010-02-17T17:07:00.001-08:00

Yes, yes. Everything went well. Both he and I are negative for everything. I was in a really good mood that day, hehehe, I had to convince Freddie not to take the day off work to celebrate.

Hehehe, sorry about the short posts so far. I have two midterms, a term paper, and a conference presentation to prepare in 2 weeks. I haven't figured out how to use the statistics program yet...

I'll be back soon. Hopefully with a ton of grrreat stories.

Cheers,
SG

STI Testing

2010-02-09T19:14:00.000-08:00

Okay quick update, we went for our STI test yesterday. The results will be back in 2 weeks they say, I might try to pop in earlier to see if it got there earlier. Soo nervous, I really hope we are both negative. Wish me luck!

I'm also trying to contact Chris and asking him the last time he was tested since he was the last guy since my last STI test.

Sigh,
SG

Whew what a week.

2010-01-26T19:32:00.000-08:00

Back again in a week.

Okay we did a replay of our first date and how did it end? We went back to his place and I gave him his gift, wrapped in silver gift wrap from carlton cards with a golden ribbon for the finishing touches. Inside? A DS game and a card... that had "I love you" written on the inside. Hehehe, it was awesome, he opened it, looked up in suprised and I told him right then and there that I loved him. Hehehe, he teared up a bit and said that he's never gotten a card that made him cry before.

So cute. I want to go into detail but I'm swamped in a pre-graduation mess. There is so much to do. Why can't they just give me my degree and be done with it.

Anywho a quick update because you guys are just that special.

Cheers,
SG

One month anniversary! Ahhhhh, me scared!

2010-01-18T23:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've been gone for ages, but thankfully that's not the case or is it? Anywho...

OMG you guys. I have news! Big news! It's the one month anniversary this Thursday! This Thursday! One month since Freddie and I officially became boyfriends.

At first, I didn't think it was a big deal. But let's just say that someone may have mentioned that he wanted to use the "L" word. The "L" word! You know me, I take the "L" word seriously. Perhaps a bit too seriously.

It's been taking up the major part of my working memory for the past couple of days. Am I ready? I'm leaning towards yes, but a part of me holds back. I don't know, am I scared? Am I just bad with expressing such deep emotions? Am I just being way too cautious? Am I stuck in some fantasy about saying the "L" word?

Psychological aside: Working memory refers to the memory that we use when performing our current actions such as with mental math, we use working memory to keep all the numbers in our minds as we perform operations on them. Our working memory capacity is 7 +/- 2 pieces of information. So one way to increase the efficiency of studying or learning is to group information into categories such as with mnemonics because it decreases the strain on working memory capacity and allows you more room to process additional information.

But I digress... when I think about telling Freddie how much I care about him and love him, I tear up, which I take as a good sign. But wow, a month. Wow. I guess I'm afraid that things will change if I tell him I love him. Perhaps, I should take the advice from The Sweetest Thing starring Cameron Dias and just be fearless, go for it, and accept the future and what it'll bring.

This brings me to the topic of what to do for the anniversary. I'm thinking a replay of our first date. Sushi, perhaps a movie, but most importantly a walk at the local track and field. I want to walk a few laps, stop him and then tell him. I don't want to over think it because I want it to be as sincere as possible. Gahhhh.... gahh... I say. I'm nervous. Nervous!

SG

OMG, help, I need your help

2010-01-12T23:04:00.000-08:00

For those who are fluent in French, I need your help.

I have to translate two 1 minute french lectures from this French professor. I don't even understand the gist of what he's saying. Can anyone help me or point me in the right direction?

http://www.tv5.org/TV5Site/lf/merci_professeur.php?id=4281&id_cat=
http://www.tv5.org/TV5Site/lf/merci_professeur.php?id=4302&id_cat=

Ughhh, how do they expect me to translate this French, we haven't even learned all of the conjugations of verbs yet.

Sigh... :(

SG

Freddie Date #2 Part II

2010-01-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

So we head out, it's a little dark now at 6pm but the night still felt young in the presence of the sweetness that is Freddie.

"Are you hungry?" he asks, "we can pick up some food and before heading over to my place."
"Sure, let's get some."

We head over to the local Chinese fast food place and pulled a numbered tab. He subtly pulled me towards him to get a better view of the fast food. Chicken and vegetable stir fry it was. We then hopped over to the nearby McDonald's and picked up a Caesar salad. Ooo, but there was a bubble tea place around the corner too... oh alright... we picked up some bubble tea too. It was 7pm now. Boy does public transit eat up time.

The last bus ride of the evening ended with us realizing that our clothes matched (and was of the same brand too but I think only I noticed). We giggled at the coincidence. We starred into each others eyes a few times, giggled and shyly diverted our eyes. Hehehe, my heart was beating a little quicker.

The night was cold and refreshing as we walked the few blocks towards his house. It was larger and newer than my current place. We went around back. A key turned and voila we were in his room.

Of course, I was nervous, but it was fading fast. He kindly asked for my jacket, which he went to hang up and set the food in front of his monitor. "Say ahh," he said as his salad fork entered my mouth. Hehehe, we spent the next few hours watching various animes and enjoying each others company. A guy I could watch anime with, now that's what I call special. After dinner was done, we sat on his bed for a while and watched some more anime.

I'll be honest, I really wanted to kiss him. No worries though guys, it happened. The kiss, and then another, and then another. And boy is he a good kisser. He also knew how to use his tongue properly. Instead of being revolted like with another who shall not be mentioned, it turned me on to no end. We snuggled a little. Hehehe, he's very cuddly, a quality that I look for in a man.

He chat a bit while laying on his bed. He's a curious fellow and so am I. I don't remember all the fine little things we talked about, but then the question comes.

"How long do you have to date a guy before you call each other boyfriends?"
"I guess it depends on the boyfriend. But I think being clear and asking is best."
"Okay, would you like to be my boyfriend? I usually wait a little later but you're a special guy."
"Yes."

And that's how we became boyfriends. =p

Cheers,
SG

OMG, did he just do that?

2010-01-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

He sucked 5 inches of candy coating from a pocky stick. What's this tightness in my pants?

Yet, he insists that he was just innocently having his treat. Lol, he's in for a treat that's all I have to say.

SG

Happy New Years!

2009-12-31T17:14:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I almost forgot to wish everyone Happy New Years!

Happy New Years!

*throws confetti*

My news resolution this year will be to love, live, and laugh more. Ahhhh, and hopefully graduate with an A+ average.

I love love love you guys so much. It's so hard for me to express this just through words, but imagine my stomach muscles tensing up when I say this and my arms jiggling in preparation to give everyone a hug.

That's all for this year. Looking forward to seeing all of you in the New Year. 2010 baby!

Yours truly,
SG

Freddie date #2 Part I

2009-12-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

For our second date, we decided to head to my place. I was, of course, nervous. Mom, little brother, and of course the nephew that we had to babysit were home (until I asked Mom to work her driving to the mall magic).

I spent the entire night before cleaning like a mad person. Every inch of the room, dusted, swept, and mopped. Everything tucked into the right place. Mom and I also mopped the entire house together. Whew.

He arrives. Hehehe, I wanted to come out and get him, but he told me, "Haha it's ok I'll just txt u when I'm infront of your house it's actually pretty cold outside so you stay warm inside be there soon :)" Couldn't you just hug him? =)

I let him in and immediately my nerves took over me. I don't know why. Maybe because I worked out a bit too much a few days before and my abdominal muscles were still tense from the situps.

Tiny psychology lesson: Our bodily states and the emotions that we feel (or think we feel) are interconnected. If we are aroused such as being a little tense from working out, our mind takes this information and adds some meaning to it (sometimes more meaning than is necessary). In this case, the tension in my stomach was interpreted as nervousness rather than simply me overdoing it a few days before.

I was nervous, don't get me wrong, but I was way more nervous than I should have been.

The date was pretty interesting shall we say.

Immediately, two minutes into the date, the oldest sister drops off her kid unannouced mind you. I was thinking, hell no. After finally managing to get mother to take the kids to the mall, I was not going to back down to a request to babysit. I'm sorry, but I've been babysitting her kids unannouced for years now. Literally, years. She was clever though, she dropped of her teenaged son and immediately sped off. I called her toute suite, we debated, and we agreed that I would babysit for 30 minutes. I love my nephew, but when you spend more time with your nephew than you do with your friends, I think a certain mother has been overusing the family babysitter card (which is free of charge, maybe that's why she uses it so often).

Leaving the living room to her teenaged son, we decided to watch some tv on my computer. We sat next to each other on my bed. My heart was beating like crazy and I contemplated doing the yawn and arm over the shoulder move. Hahaha, I didn't. Too corny. He noticed I was nervous and tried to calm me down, hahaha, I was still nervous.

Sister soon came and Freddie and I could have some alone time. Guess what we did? Soul Calibur 4 and Halo. He's actually a quick learner. Still nervous, but less so at this point.

Time flew by really fast and mother soon called, "Can I come home now? Has your company left yet? I'm bringing home sushi." Hahaha, ain't she adorable?

Not wanting the date to end yet, I asked her if Freddie could join us. After a series of "What?" and repetitions, Freddie would join us for sushi. Hehehe, he then asks what my mom's pet peeves are. Me thinks he's in it to win it folks.

I told him, manners. My family has always been big on manners. I remember in my teen years when I really wanted to get mom angry, I would do something like call her by her first name or not greet her friends when they came by. Hahaha, that constituted the major part of my rebellious phase by the way, weak I know.

On a related point, I also said don't gloat. My mom has a tendency to take people down a peg when they boast about their abilities in any area. I think it's her way of trying to keep people humble. My mother is the master of criticisms wrapped up in a polite facade by the way. She can be quite discreet at times ("Maybe she can't get a man because of her winning personality") and hilariously blunt at other times ("You embarass me").

Hehehe, now equipped with a bit of knowledge, Freddie approaches mother with a polite greeting. Good job.

We sit and have some family time. Mother bombards Freddie with questions about his background. Freddie answers very politely and I even get to learn a bit more about him. Good job mom.

Mother then starts in on the relationship questions. Freddie played the dodge card, which was smart. Mother doesn't know I like the male flavour yet, by the way, even though I've given her pretty good signs, the best one being not dating a girl, then there was the men's fitness magazines. Even her friends have asked me, "do you have a boyfriend yet?" She kind of just turns a blind eye. I'm going to have to break the news to her soon, even though I doubt it will be anything new at this point. Stay tuned for that.

I actually calmed down a lot when the family came home. I guess they are my "safe haven" as John Bowlby would put it (I still like Mary Ainsworth better).

My little brother, my younger nephew and Freddie played Halo together. It was freaken awesome. He's really good with kids and people in general, which I really liked. He's a guy I wouldn't be embarrassed to introduce my friends and family to (more to come in the subsequent posts).

He also managed to pacify doggie in the course of 10 minutes. Usually she's very barky at strangers, but he just pet her awhile and she was eating out of his hand by dinner time.

Anywho, it was getting late and the boys were all doing there own thing at the moment. Freddie then says, "We're going to go out now and go to that place we were talking about." Being pretty vague. Oh a surprise... I'll leave that for part 2.

Lots of love guys. I'm thinking longer posts but less frequent. I've got a lot of stories to tell and I want to go into detail. I'm also spending new year's with Freddie. J'adore lui. Is that right? I really need to brush up on my French.

Avec mon meilleur souvenir,
SG

Music I've Been Listening To

2009-12-27T15:39:00.000-08:00

Thanks Brent for recommend! =)

Christmas Eve-y

2009-12-24T11:56:00.001-08:00

Hehehe, okay, time for a dose of positive.

Helped mom prepare the Christmas Eve food today. We're going to be eating turkey all day. Seriously, all day. She made two turkeys. Two HUGE birds. I think they take up about 25% of the fridge. I had some an hour ago, it's making me all warm and sleepy.

I'm writing a bit of rhyming poetry to go along with Freddie's gift. I get to give it to him tomorrow. Hehehe, happy happy happy.

Off to bed I go.

Hope everyone is having a spectacular holiday season, tis the season to be all happy and smiles.

Love,
SG

Letting Alan down easy...

2009-12-24T09:48:00.001-08:00

So Alan finally went online yesterday, which gave me the opportunity to clear the air.

I asked him if he saw the updates to my profile, which had gone from dating to being in a relationship. He said he didn't. And that's how I broke the news.

"I've entered a relationship since we last talked, and I wanted to let you know so there was no misunderstandings between us"

He, of course, had a lot of questions.

Was I in a relationship when we went for BBT? no.
Was I dating Chris again? Also a no.
Why I kissed him? I thought kissing him would make a difference about how I felt about him.
Would it have made a difference if he had blown me in the car? Hell no! I'm not that type of guy. And I was really insulted when he made that comment.

To be honest, the more I think about it, the more he feels like a sleazy sex hungry guy. Even when I said I think we should have some time to cool off because he very well may not want to be friends a week from now, his respond was something like, did we really heat up? Ughh...

Regardless, I apologized about 20 times throughout the conversation. But I'm with someone else, and boy is he something special.

Whew,
SG

P.S. Doing this via MSN was fine right? That is how we originally met and our main source of conversation apart from that one time at BBT. Ughh... he did call me twice though once at 12.30am and another time at 1.15am, which I found F-ing annoying and inappropriate. He works really late hours anyways. The earliest he can go out is 8pm.

Also, I was kind of scared that if I did it in person...
1) He might force himself on me, he does seem like the type. Let's just say I don't hold myself responsible for any action I feel is necessary to quell a F-ing moron.

OR

2) He might spend hours trying to persuade me to pick him (we talked for 15 minutes at 1.15am, even though I kept saying let's talk some other time because I was tired).

Reasons why I like Freddie

2009-12-23T17:43:00.000-08:00

Hehehe, before I go into detail about our awesome second date, I'll do a short little post about the little things that I like about Freddie.

1) He's a very good combination of cute and assertive.

2) When I staggered back on the bus, he moved his hands to subtly support me.

3) He holds my hand in public and that makes me feel special.

4) He can turn me on in everyday conversation and it only gets better from there.

5) He's super smart. I might even say smarter than I am.

6) A series of coincidences brought us together and they make guest appearances to make our days all the better.

XOXOXO,
SG

P.S. I think we were sexting today. Hahaha. Sexting means sexy texting to the best of my knowledge. Although I think what I consider sexting is much less extreme than how the teenagers are doing it.

The Freddie Post! Yay!

2009-12-20T07:00:00.001-08:00

He's a psych major you guys, a freaking psych major! I hit the jackpot! When he said that, I literally said, "A psych major eh, I scored big time" and made him blush a bit. But from the beginning...

He approached me first online, saying something like, "hey, I remember you from the arcade a few years back", probably from the Marvin days. He already seemed really interesting off the bat, so I asked him for his MSN. Via MSN we found we have a lot of similar interests, MMORGs, video games (hahaha I won't bore you with the details, but I will say "Trigger" was a classic), tv shows, movies, music. That was enough for a green light from me. We decided to meet up.

My impressions before meeting him. I was honestly expecting something in the area of Marvin. Like a little feminine. I also thought he would have perfect skin too, which made me nervous because hahaha I don't have perfect skin. I have fairly pale skin, which makes blemishes really apparent as well as the slightest blush.

So we meet. I didn't recognize him at first. Hahaha, awkward. I was really worried that he would look nothing like his picture. So worried in fact that when I saw this really weird looking and poorly dressed guy whose eyes were crossed, I thought OMG that is him! Run you stupid gay, run! (Quick sidenote: If that were him, I probably would not have gotten away. I have a tendency to paralyze in such situations. My legs, honestly, couldn't move.)

But then I hear, "hey" and turn around to see that his picture was accurate. A few minor changes, his hair was a little shorter (mines was a little longer), his skin had a rugged texture, which was really nice. Hehehe, he jokingly asked me if I was disappointed at either his hair (which was slightly different) or his height (he's a little shorter than I am and you know how short I am). I replied with an honest, "nope" and a smile.

We head out for dinner, sushi. We couldn't decide on the all-you-can-eat or the regular menu, so we just flipped for it. Heads, all-you-can-eat. He was pretty adorable, he sat there and individually asked me if I wanted each item on the list. We could have just filled it in individually, but what's the fun in that?

I think we had a good 1.5 hours to talk. Although it felt shorter, which was a good sign. We talked about really geeky things. Hahaha, like the various trading card games we played (in the past, in the past! hahaha) and our strategies. He liked to take the most direct form of attack. I, on the other hand, prefer to focus more on equipping armour and weapons to regular monsters for an unexpected win. But oops, time flew fast as the movie was going to start in 15 minutes and we needed to get tickets.

I had to go to the restroom for a quick sec, in which time he had grabbed the bill and was preparing to go up front to pay. I caught him in time and he turned a bit and asked me, "how do you feel about people paying for you?" So considerate and sweet. I said it was okay as long as there was give and take. I will not be with a guy who demands that he pay for everything. So he paid and I felt just the tiniest bit of guilt like I usually do. Holy crap, now that I think about it, that was expensive sushi.

Off to the movies we went. Hehehe, I insisted that I pay for his ticket and the food. He gave a reluctant yes when I said I'd pay for the ticket and when I said I'd pay for the snacks as well, he said, "the snacks too!" clearly feeling a little guilty but clearly being a lot cute too.

*took a little break from writing here*

The movie was good. We'd look at each other and laugh throughout. I also managed to steal a few glances of him during the movie. It was very nice. No opportunities to hold hands though... I had a bag of popcorn to hold. I did notice him fiddling with his hands, could this guy get any cuter?

The movie ended. He asked me which bus I was taking. Turns out we take the same bus home and that we live pretty close to each other. The universe is lining itself up again for my love life. We make it to the halfway point, at which point he says, "do you want to stop here?" and something in the area of "I don't want the night to end yet." So we stop at the local track and field, and go for a walk. It was raining, but thankfully I brought my umbrella. We took turns holding it, which was really sweet of him. The conversation got more personal and much more real. At one point, I accidentally mentioned that I thought this was a date and immediately went back to say, "if you consider this a date?" to which he replied, "I would," and gave me an adorable grin.

It was almost midnight, the last bus would arrive soon. So we slowly inched our way to the bus. I took hold of the umbrella one last time at which point he said his hands were cold. Seizing the opportunity, I gently rubbed my hands over his, "is that better?" I did this for a while, and then our hands kind of naturally laced together. I was feeling hotter already. His hands, oh his hands, felt so nice. It felt right. He said my hands were really soft when I said his hands were more rough (in a good way).

We held hands as we sat at the stop. We watched as the cars went by. A guy walked past us and gave us two bus tickets. That was sweet. (To be honest, I was preparing myself for a derogatory comment... and my fight or flight mode turned on... slightly to fight. He wasn't that threatening. Oh did I mention Freddie plays football, hahaha.)

A small digression explaining the previous joke: So we have a fight or flight system (which involves the arousal of our sympathetic nervous system, think adrenaline) that interacts with our psychology. In the animal kingdom, dominance hierarchies help determine whether sympathetic arousal produces a readiness to fight (emotions like pride and anger) or readiness to run (emotions like fear and distress). In this case, being that there were two of us and one of him, and Freddie plays football, that should place us higher on the dominance hierarchy than the one guy. Therefore, the sympathetic arousal produced a readiness to fight.

Righto, so we hopped on the bus. He got off first. He pat my thigh as he said, "I had a good time, I'll guess I'll see you... when I see you. I know you're slightly older than I am, but text me when you get home so I know you're okay." It came off as shy and cute.

Okay, he's out of sight. I released the pent up joy I was feeling and swayed back and forward in a drunken-like stupor. As I waited to take the transfer home, I thought He's a keeper.

Yep, and that's the story folks. He's definitely getting a second date. We've got it planned already. =)

-SG

P.S. He's caused me to smile so much that my face muscles are tired. =)

Freddie! blush

2009-12-17T00:20:00.000-08:00

I think I'm starting to feel something for this boy Freddie that I've been talking with. We meet this Friday night, and I'm actually really excited to meet him. Tell you more about it later. ^.^

~ SG

Straight-acting / Str8-acting

2009-12-12T19:44:00.000-08:00

Urghh!

Just a quick dissection of the term "straight-acting/str8-acting."

In a very literal sense, the only quality that makes a person straight-acting is if they boink a member of the opposite sex. Congratulations, you're straight acting. But then you hear gay men making the distinction of being straight-acting as well... but they couldn't be... they don't have sex with members of the opposite sex.

It appears, then, that the term straight-acting means something different to this subset of gay men who use the term to define (and perhaps even limit) themselves. From what I understand, the term straight-acting in gay lingo appears to mean "masculine" in a very traditional sense. Sometimes when I see it used, I feel like we are trying to prove or affirm our masculinity either by stating to others, "yes I am normal, just like the heterosexuals" or by stating to other gay men, "being manly is good, being femmy is bad." Sure, one could make the case that they are just trying to simplify their pattern of behaviour with a simple term, but inevitably it has consequences: on how we view gender and how we view ourselves.

I think it reinforces a gender dichotomy. Men should act this way and women should act this way. Not to mention the fact that there is some implied misogyny in thinking that a man showing "typically feminine" characteristics is somehow bad. I would even argue that the term "straight acting" is misandrious (is that a word? well you get my meaning, it comes from "misandry", the male equivalent of misogyny). Why can't men be more than the behaviours encompassed by the term straight-acting? Why do we even have to use this term?

In conclusion, I am not straight-acting. I'm gay-acting and damn proud of it.

SG

Updates!

2009-12-11T20:35:00.000-08:00

I feel so bad for not updating and I've still been going around commenting during breaks, so I thought I should just go all the way and post.

Studying...

Let me just begin with "I HATE political science. HATE it!" Studying for it is such a chore. Although all the information is really useful and yada yada... it's very boring. Does anyone get really excited about the appointment process to the Canadian judiciary? If you do, please fill in an application for the crazies. Hahaha.

I also need to write up my research proposal and do a literature review (preferably before January). Did I mention I'm booked for 4 straight days after exams for gatherings, appointments, and cr*p, Christmas shopping? I'm going to need my organizer for this...

New Bloggers! (that image is totally us, hahaha)

Welcome Formysake and NewLeaf!

I've noticed a recent proliferation of new bloggers. It's amazing! Really different voices and really great posts. Hahaha, I smell a possible worldwide blogger gathering. If it does happen, you heard it here first.

I'm slowly adding more and more guys to the sidebar. I'm a little surprised that we haven't had a female blogger enter the circle yet.

Love life... I haven't talked to Alan much due to his MSN not working a lot of time. He did call me at 12am once, which I thought was weird... We really need to meet again, so I can tell him that I think we'd work better as friends. I think apart from academics, we are completely different people. Which is interesting because with Chris, we were similar in most respects apart from engagement in formal academics.

Bring in Freddie though. Hehehe, okay, same age, same interests. He admits to watching Glee! And he makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Ohh, and he's completely fine with PDAs (public displays of affection), which I like. Not that I would just go around making out in public, but I like to keep my options for affection open. I'm thinking at the very minimum good friend material, since we haven't met in person yet... I am crossing my fingers that everything is in the right place and he has a good amount of self-confidence.

Thanks guys, and happy holidays!

SG

Cognitive Overload

2009-12-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

In the middle of exam period again. I finish on the 15th. I might be back sooner. But Happy Holidays until then, I'll try to think of some more fun blog things to do when my time frees up.

I'll be back reading and commenting in no time. I'll miss you guys! :3

SG

The Alan Post

2009-11-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting and I just feel nervous, not excited, but nervous.

He walks through the door of the quaint bbt house. I've already ordered up a green apple with pearls and am pretty much just fiddling with my phone at this point. I texted the BFF and told him where I was and that I was nervous. He texted back, "Awww, you can do it!" Ain't he sweet?

Anyways, Alan plops down in the seat in front of me and orders a durian with pearls. I teased him at bit about liking durian. You know, because it smells horrible and it has a gooey and slimy texture. We literally spent the next hour talking about gooey things. It was pretty funny. At one point, I mentioned how unconventional our topic of conversation was. We didn't even start off with the formulaic discussion of the weather.

Change topic. We talked about traveling, cars (I know nothing about cars by the way), and surprisingly academic stuff too (research stories and the difficulty of finding queer academics).

He surprised me at one point because I asked him what kind of car he had, and he said a BMW. I BM freaken W. Hahaha, I called him out on being "one of those BMW people." In his defense, he said that what he liked most about his car was not that it was a statement of his social status but rather that it was like a piece of art in motion. That really caught me by surprise. I didn't expect him to give such a compelling reason for owning a BMW. I saw it by the way, it really is a breathtaking sight.

Oh sh*t, I forgot to do first impressions. Okay, so he seemed a bit older than his profile picture, which was okay. But I will say he didn't look as cute in person, which was a bit disappointing. His hair was wild and had highlights, which I found unexpected. He had a quirky way of speaking. He felt very high school teachery nice (asking before doing, checking in with my feelings, and not very assertive...). All in all, I wasn't really physically attracted to him. The conversation was pretty good, we laughed a lot.

Okay, so we left the bbt house at 1am after having spent about 3 and 1/2 hours talking. I felt really bad for staying so long that I gave a 50% tip, which wasn't a lot considering the bubble tea was $4, but he didn't feel as generous, which I thought was... cheap... Hahaha, sorry, it's what I thought.

So, we were about to part ways, when he asked if he could drive me home. I said yes, curious to see this masterpiece that was his BMW. I playfully nudged him a few times as we walked to his car. Okay, let the awkwardness begin.

So he asked me if I wanted my butt heated because his car does that. I just laughed and made a joke about "a hot butt is a good butt" or something and he laughed.

And then he asks me, "do you want to go somewhere?" I actually say yes, at 1am in the morning. I kind of wanted to see a view. After much discussion, we decided to go to a local park. The view was not spectacular. Well, not as nice as the ones Chris showed me. Isn't it so bad that I'm making comparisons?

Anywho, we talked more about family and being gay. He isn't out to his family. I'm gradually coming out to my family and I hope to be completely open to everyone in the future.

And then he asks "do you want to kiss?" I gave him a chance. The kiss was sloppy and involved more tongue than I would have like, even after I told him that he was using a lot of tongue. I was kind of turned on, but that quickly changed when both of our stomachs growled. It was cute, we both laughed. It was 3am in the morning. I told him to drive me home.

And that's the story. I think he would make an awesome friend, but as a boyfriend... I don't know. I don't have those kinds of feelings for him unfortunately.

Aren't you glad you came back to visit. I'm glad I had a few good stories to share this week.

XOXOXOX
SG

The Breakup

2009-11-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

Did I ever tell you the story of how Chris and I broke up? I think I only talked about it in passing, which is interesting because I think it's only quite recently that the reality of our breakup has hit me. I'm "single" now, rather than "it's complicated". ~~This doesn't mean however that I don't want him... it's just~~ he doesn't want me ~~right now~~.

But on to the story. It had been a few months after we stopped consistently messaging each other. Even when we did talk, it was very brief and lacking in depth. I was a mess. Were we still in a relationship? What was happening? I know he was going through a lot of tough times, but he didn't seem to want to share his troubles with me.

By chance, my sister calls me up one day and tells me she wants to set me up with her boyfriend's close friend. I decline because I honestly thought that there was still a chance between Chris and I. But, as it turns out, the setup was actually with Chris. How did I figure this out? Facebook. Chris uploaded photos of my sister and her boyfriend and I instantly figured out that Chris was the guy that she was planning to set me up with.

My sister and I met one day and I began with something in the area of "I have the craziest sh*t to tell you" and "We need to talk." I explained everything to her and when all was said, she looked at me seriously and said, "do you want me to talk to him?" Not knowing what was good for me, I said no. Luckily for me, she talked to Chris anyways and he ended up texting me.

It started off with him explaining his situation, which wasn't great I have to say. I kind of knew where this was going but I tried nonetheless. I told him I loved him, for the first time, via text, and I would stick by him if he loved me enough to allow me to help him out. He declined.

He never denied that he didn't love me, but he also didn't acknowledge it either. Which sucks I'll have to admit because what am I supposed to do with that?

Sensing the inevitable breakup now, I decided to give him an out and to bow out with at least some self-respect. I told him I understood that his situation wasn't great and that he couldn't commit to anything, even though it tore me up inside. Then I said, we should just go back to being friends. In hindsight, this may not have been the best idea.

Before my sister left for Toronto, her boyfriend kind of took me aside and told me that Chris had talked to him and told him that he really did care for me, but it was just the nature of his situation that prevented him from being with me.

Was this the truth or was it just my sister's boyfriend's way of easing my hurt? I'll never know.

And that's the story.

SG

Almost back... until then...

2009-11-29T20:32:00.000-08:00

BRB

2009-11-25T20:36:00.000-08:00

I have too much on my plate, I need a few days to sort everything out. Be back soon, I'm thinking early next week because that's when my papers are all due.

SG

I really want to back out now...

2009-11-24T22:44:00.000-08:00

Chris, Marvin, and another guy whom I just figured out was "Not Sure" today are all on the same website.

Eww.... I feel sooo sick. First, I don't want to go back to the whole Chris issue. I don't want to see him or think about him in a dating capacity (I guess I'm not over it). Turns out the friends I make on the website also know him. Ewwww... I know it's impossible to avoid every person I date, but sigh...

Did I mention that I was an assh*le when I brokeup with Marvin, I was young and stupid... and he was young and CRAZY? Should I apologize to him? Should I ignore him? The drama was just too much to handle.

Booo... this was supposed to be fun...

SG

Alan and online dating

2009-11-24T17:45:00.000-08:00

Soo... updates! Within 48 hrs of starting an online profile, I got my first message! I'll be honest it made me feel pretty gosh darn good.

For your enjoyment I'll also post the bio that I am currently using and my old bio (Please feel free to laugh :p That's the point). The new bio was based on a bit of Google research I did on writing a winning profile, didn't I tell you I was an academic? If anyone wants to suggest changes, let me know in the comments.

New Bio: "A smaller, shorter breed, the Psychologia Nerdius is among the more committed of the academic breeds. They sustain themselves on a diet of take-out, instant noodles and other easy to make foods. The Nerdius can easily be brought to excitement through engaging conversation or statistically significant scientific results. This particular breed of academic is noteworthy in their genuine interest in others, their affectionate temperament, and their sometimes questionable sense of humour. Their capacity and ability to learn are among their strongest assets but they have been known to be a little timid."

Old Bio: "Nerdish, smiley, gleek."

Websites consulted:
http://dating.about.com/od/onlinedating/ss/datingprofile.htm
http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/features/online-dating-profile.html
http://www.dateseeker.net/dating-tips/writing-good-ads.html
http://www.cupidnights.com/dating-advice/article-5.html

Enough of the boring lead up though, let's talk about the guy. Sooo, his name is Alan and his message went something like, you seem cool let's hang out or chat, check out my profile. Call me a bit of a chicken, but I went for exchanging MSNs first. Haven't talked yet, but I've got the butterflies, that or indigestion.

Okay, now I'm going to let you in on all the impressions I've accumulated about Alan so far, some based on my background in psych, some based on my background as a 'mo and some comedic ones just because. I've also provided evidence because a good academic justifies his impressions.

1 Low in Conscientiousness or possibly dyslexic (Hahaha, joking, joking, I hope no one found that offensive);

Evidence: he spelt okay as "oki" and he doesn't capitalize

2 Cute!

Evidence: Adorable smile.

3 Night owl

Evidence: Tends to send and respond to messages at 2.50am.

4 Above average intelligence

Evidence: He's a masters student. That's f*cking hot.

5 Has good taste in men, hahaha, no evidence required

My only real concern is that when we meet, he'll be completely different from his profile picture. I'm not too worried about getting rejected. There's a reason I Ace interviews, and it ain't just because of the pretty face. Gosh, I'm nervous.

:3 SG

Guess who got a message this morning...

2009-11-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

It's beginning. :3

SG

Ewww ewwww ewwwww... ewwww... yes!

2009-11-22T00:13:00.000-08:00

I did it guys, I created a new online dating profile. I think this will begin my slow progression back into the dating scene. I'm going to ease my way into the bar and club scene, go to the campus GSA, perhaps even join a single gay men's group or something.

I feel gross and exposed at the moment. Excited and ridiculously nervous. I guess it's time to move on, Chris can suck it, if he wants me he best be willing to fight a lot harder.

Bring on the friends, dates, and sh*tstorms that will likely ensue. At least I'll have stories even if it turns out badly right? Wait wait, that's such a pessimistic attitude. It will turn out fine... real fine... *rambles on and on*

Slowly SG, slowly... I feel so off my game. I haven't done this in so sooo long.

Conversations with Mother

2009-11-21T01:52:00.000-08:00

At 1.53am mind you

"I had a great night today. I danced so hard I was drenched in back and ass sweat. My face was also reddened to the point that it looked like I had drank a lot of alcohol. Photocopy this disc for me will you? I like their music."

When did this role reversal happen? I'm at home babysitting two nephews and a little brother while my mother goes clubbing. It's weird I do admit.

And also, I love that she said photocopy. Like I can put the disc in a xerox machine and magically an exact replica will appear.

Okay, last post for the day I swear.

-SG

I feel inappropriate and crude now.

2009-11-21T01:36:00.000-08:00

Please bear with this vulgar and just plain inappropriate post.

Sooooo, guess what? I was running a study today and a male adonis shows up to participate. He was at least a foot taller than I was and I was just melting all over the place, blushing profusely, and just completely acting out of character. Did I also mention that I sweat a lot when I'm all hot and bothered like in this instance.

And the more I talk about it, the more vivid the images become of him picking me up and splaying me on the study table and all that fun stuff.

Seriously, my hand couldn't even touch the top of his head (well... now that I mention it, it could touch one head). He was soo tall and soo good looking. I love my job.

-SG

P.S. I was telling one of my BFFs about how I thought we should see the Twilight movie because Jacob literally jumps into the air transforms into a werewolf and his clothes just fly off his body (yea, I know, fly, yes!), to which he responds about two days later, "you know he was 16 when he did that right."

Ewwww... and there goes that fantasy. Hahaha, he was laughing afterwards, I must have looked some sort of crushed by the news. And not to be dramatic or anything, but he ruined by life, HAHAHA, I kid, I kid. But Anywho, I'll end with his picture. Oh yea, I have nothing against younger guys, but I remember when I was 16. Not only was I like soo awkward and not hot, but I could never find a vampire and werewolf to fight over me. What's an adolescent 'mo to do?

Cybering with a woman...

2009-11-21T01:01:00.000-08:00

The following is an MSN conversation your gay was subjected to today:

Alba: hi
SG: hey how do i know you again?
Alba: hi how are you today?
SG: fine, from campus?
Alba: my name is paris I'm doing great I'm 21 yrs old how old are you
SG: 12
Alba: listen hun, I am just about to start my webcam show with jen, come chat me there in my chat room? We can cyber, I will get naked if you do..lol!

As you can tell, I kind of already knew where the conversation was going from the beginning, but I wanted to see just how far she would go. I said I was 12! 12! And she replied with talks about getting naked. Not to mention I'm a big mo. Why couldn't it have been Allen with Jacob? Reow. Hahaha.

On a sidenote. Who falls for this stuff?

Yes, that was my post for today. Don't worry my wheels are turning for another one.

Hugs,
SG

"Glee" Wednesdays are my good mood days.

2009-11-18T21:32:00.001-08:00

Ahhh! Okay, have you ever been so happy that you kind of have to squeal or yell or let it out? That's what Wednesdays have been like for me for the past little while.

Today, I watched Glee S1E10, wasn't the best episode, but it was ohhhh so sweet at the end. And I am loving Kurt's unhindered efforts to get into the pants of the football star (whom I have to say, I'm having a hard time connecting with because he doesn't seem realistic to me). You go Kurt! Or at least until you find another hunk who will reciprocate. Isn't that what we all want, a hunk who will reciprocate? ("Make me feel good", did anyone get that reference?)
I also watched "Make the Yuletide Gay." Um... I'm going to say it, look at how cute Keith Jordon is (on the left). :3 Me likey, me likey a lot. I like how his top lip curls up, that is one facial feature that drives me wild.

The movie was just what I was looking for, a simple silly romantic comedy about two gay boys. I think we need more of that in our community. Enough with the stories of tortured souls, let's showcase our good times and our ability to imagine ridiculously implausible yet "happy ending" storylines. I'm also not feeling the gay thriller/tradegy/horror trend going around. I don't even watch horror flicks with straight characters.

That's all for today. I'm writing a paper on the judicial system of Canada this week. It's so interesting I could fall into a coma.

As always, lots of love and all that good stuff,
^.^ SG

Can't sleep

2009-11-17T02:38:00.001-08:00

Not really thinking about anything, just can't sleep. Maybe it was because of the two hour nap I took.

I felt a bit down on myself today, the feeling came out of nowhere. One theory I have is that although exercise increases endorphins, you use up your happy neurotransmitters during exercise and then you have less of it for later. Hahaha, anyone care to enlighten me on the topic?

Oh yes, finally remembered that thing I wanted to post.

Mass text messages are tacky and impersonal. Andrew has been sending me texts like "hey how is your saturday going" and things like that. At first I thought, oh that's sweet, and sent him back texts, but then I found out that his other friends, one of which I know, also got the exact same text. I stopped texting him back. I don't even think he noticed that I haven't been responding for a while. Is it weird that he irks yet intrigues me as well? I guess it's one of the pitfalls of being a psych major. We even find do*chebags interesting.

Okay, time for bed.

Hahaha, I'll see you later,
SG

Gaytwogether

2009-11-15T15:01:00.000-08:00

I was reading Michael's blog today and came across the most wonderful video I've ever seen on gay couples, so I thought I'd share. Thanks Michael! I think you're an amazing and sweet person.

-SG

More Conversations with Mother

2009-11-15T11:00:00.000-08:00

"Why don't you button up your PJs, is it because you like the ease of access?"

Hahaha, I kid you not. My mother implied that I was a sexual creature. I just stood there in shock, taking in what had just happened.

Welcome to Friday!

2009-11-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

[Taken on my journey via public transit to school. I liked how the sidewalk seems endless and full of possibilities.]

One thing I learned from Chris was to find beauty in the mundane as well as how to enjoy taking pictures. I'm glad I can take something out of our relationship *awkward laughter*.

So what happened today? Nothing much, I came into the lab to run more participants but more and more are canceling (H1N1? Maybe), which means more coming to the lab for no reason. I went to an awesome workshop on library skills (those librarians really know how to maximize efficiency with searching) and found an article that directly related to my ridiculously esoteric topic. Woot! I sent it to my email as soon as I found it.

Oh my gosh, do I have news. So guess whose going out clubbing tonight? Not me, but my mother. My mother, going clubbing, not me. I live in topsy turvy land. Turns out our landlady is a huge clubber, even with her poor hygiene. Just imagining it makes me feel kind of embarrassed for them. They are "those people", going to clubs with all the kids, and looking out of place. I'm not going to stop mother from going though. I think she's sacrificed so much of her time taking care of the large mess that is my siblings, that she may have missed out on having fun.

Oh yea, expect more mother posts this year, since we are living together and sometimes her life is so much more interesting than mine.

Cheers,
-SG

Jam packed Thursdays

2009-11-12T17:00:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone! ^.^

So Glee was on yesterday. Does anyone find Artie to be yummers? Now imagine Artie and Puck getting it on. Ohh we can dream. If I didn't have Glee, I'd probably be a mess. The teary eyed moments, the fun songs, and hotty geeks = *big smile on my face*

I've switched to sitting on a yoga ball at the computer. It's exhausting, although I can feel my spine straightening out.

Hahaha, I've gained 5 pounds eating little brother's Halloween candy. That's so embarrassing. An aero here, a reese's pieces there, and 5 pounds all over.

I'd like you to meet SG's family doggie. Ain't she a beaut? She likes to sleep next to the heater in my room, so I moved her bed there.

Now for some music. I'm really into Mika these days. He's such an interesting guy.

Mika - Rain
Official Video for Rain

Mika - Good Gone Girl

Mika - One Foot Boy

Cheers,
-SG

Remembrance Day

2009-11-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

You know, I didn't really think about how important this day was until I actually sat down and thought about it. It is important, so important I'm having a hard time blogging about what I did today. It just seems to trivial and slightly disrespectful to talk about the minutiae of my life, when someone had given up their own to fight for our country.

So I'll just leave it at that today and post tomorrow. Today is about respect and honouring those brave people in our history.

-SG

Holy sh*t, this is like starting from scratch all over again.

2009-11-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

All right, new design, new blog, new layout. I want to be bigger and better this year.

Ideas so far:
1. Do a month of audio posts.
2. Do a month of photos accompanied by journalistic entries.
3. More pictures in general.
4. Taking more adventures.
5. Graduating and the mess of things I have planned for that.

Ohh, I think some of you may have noticed I changed my signature to "SG" now, but feel free to call me whatever you like: SAHG, SAG, Stay-at-Home Gay, sexy, you know whatever, hahaha. Reasons for the change? I feel like I've outgrown the original person and blogger that I was 2 years ago (can you believe we've been together for 2 years!), but I also wanted to keep a running joke with my loyal readers. You've been with me since the beginning, so you'll know the true meaning of "SG", the newbies will have to dig it up.

Lots of love,
SG

10 Things About Me

2009-11-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

1. Carl Rogers is probably one of the most influential role models in my life, let's just say I'm a strong believer in doling out unconditional positive regard
2. I have braces, they are midnight blue, so sexy
3. My left optic nerve is bigger than my right optic nerve
4. When I was a kid, I never mistreated a single stuffed animal in my care
5. I have 2 best friends that I've known since high school
6. I love being geeky, I think it's cool (although sometimes I get reality checks, hahaha)
7. I have the most !@#%$-ed stream of consciousness ever
8. Was told by a "psychic" relative that I was going to live a life of celibacy
9. Had fooled around with about 4 guys before I was told #8
10. I used to be allergic to eggs, weird eh?

Do you think I should change blogs?

2009-11-09T21:46:00.000-08:00

Check out my possible new layout and website name. What do you think, yay or nay?

http://howfarigotwithaba.blogspot.com/

Drank on Friday, felt like !@#$ on Saturday, and now watching Julie and Julia on Sunday

2009-11-08T17:47:00.001-08:00

Okay let's start with Friday.

My coworkers and I went out for what I thought was going to be a casual, almost semi-formal dinner, but what it ended up being was even better. The evening started off with our boss saying, "everyone must drink tonight." And that's when the sh*t hit the ceiling. Now I was originally hesitant about over-ordering, given that our boss was taking care of the bill, but that didn't stop one of our more artsy coworkers to order up a storm. Hot sake, cold sake, long island iced tea, a pint of this and a pitcher of that. Cheers and "drink, drink, drink" could be heard, quite loudly I think, from our table. The cherry on top of the ice cream? The owner came with a round of free shots and we swallowed it whole like.... [censored sexual thought]. It tasted like cinnamon dentyne.

Now, I don't drink much. Actually to be honest, I only started drinking this year. Everything tasted terrible, but clinking glasses and the laughter of good times, who could pass up on that. I've always thought that even though alcohol was a disinhibitor (which means it makes you do things that you wouldn't have done if you weren't drunk), I would be relatively immune to such effects. At the time, I thought, I'm pretty in control but the days following, I thought I may have been a bit much, especially since it was with coworkers.

On Saturday, I felt like !@#%^. What didn't help was that my oldest sister and her 2 monsters decided to come over, in addition to the two boys from upstairs. Did I mention I live in a basement suite with my mother (and little brother) and our landlords live above us? They are in the fisheries industry and smell so horrible so much of the time and lack an adequate standard of hygiene. Oh, did I mention that they like to "borrow" food and other household items from us and never return them even though they make well over $100,00 a year. Our cumulative family income is not even half of that, I want to say not even a quarter but that may be overexaggerating. I pay half of the rent and hmm... sometimes half of the food, all of the internet and likewise the phone, and thankfully not cable, because we don't have it. Now it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't live with uncultured, ill-mannered brutes...

Now I was pretty sour and a little hung over today, but then I found Julie and Julia and I've got to say it warmed my heart (if not my stomach, seriously, they borrow food from us). I'm going to finish it off and then get started on the hundred odd things that I have to do before this day, year, and degree is over.

But I think I've regained a bit of the blogging passion again. That makes me happy. (Btw, I just noticed, 3 followers now! That's awesome. I'm love love lovin' this adventure.)

You're gay,
-SG

Let me set you up he said...

2009-11-01T17:14:00.001-08:00

Okay, so remember that doctor that I talked to ohh so many years ago, he calls me again today and asks me if I want a girlfriend. What was really weird about the conversation was that he was really trying to sell that she was a virgin and how she was "fresh." I'll be honest, I felt a little sick.

He also was mentioning how he would totally do her too but she was too young. Now I'm double sick.

I told him that I was still getting over my other relationship, which is still kinda true. And then he said, "sometimes when you treat women like sh*t, they'll be all over you." I'll be honest, I actually thought for a moment about the merit of the statement, until reality set in again and I realized that I was starting to justify being a d*uchbag. And it scared me. I think that's how "nice guys" become "d*ckheads." I want to be a nice guy and win out at the end. Maybe I just have to be more coy eh boys? Hahahaha.

I've had 3 weird conversations this week, and this was just one of them.

Debates that make my head want to explode

2009-11-01T00:33:00.001-07:00

Debate question: Should Canada's judiciary be made more representative by imposing policies to make it more representative?

Majority opinion: No, we should not ensure the judiciary is more representative through policies because then we'd appoint less than qualified judges. What structural inequalities? We think having a group of white, middle-aged, middle to upper-middle class males ensures that the interpretation of our laws will be as impartial and unbiased as possible. This group is just better, even if they haven't experienced a majority of the experiences of the Canadian population. Female and minority judges just don't make the cut, if they just worked harder they could become part of the judiciary too.

My opinion: Excuse me while I go puke on myself.

Seriously I had to debate in this context. Myself versus three or four others. I was just thinking, am I really in an academic setting right now? What the f*ck is going on?

A very surprised,
SG

Conversations with mother

2009-11-01T00:12:00.001-07:00

{At the supermarket}

SG: "This toilet paper is satin soft and this one is double ply" [They were both the same price]

Mama Gay: "Double ply, satin soft means thin and expensive" [Referring to the fact that you have to wipe with twice as much paper]

{At the dinner table}

Mama Gay: "Umm... SG, you just ate your brother's portion."

SG: "He's been up longer than I have, he had his chance."

{On Halloween}

Mama Gay: "My dance instructor is holding a special dance event today."

SG: "So it's going to be scary dancing today?"

I am single, hear me roar.

2009-10-31T23:52:00.001-07:00

I am single. I am single. I am single. Definitely. For sure. Got to get in the mindset again. Single. Single. Single. Single and horny. Single.

Hahaha, I'm sure I'll be loving it in no time. Think I should employ some systematic desensitization to get over the feelings?

Guess who got a small bag of candy from his little brother. *gobbling down smarties and reese's pieces*

Happy Halloween. Guess what I dressed up as? A nerd, of course. My regular wardrobe easily converts into nerd wear. That's not sad at all, hahaha.

Ohh, did I tell you I got the best $30 haircut this past week. I think it's the first time I've left a salon satisfied. Although... I don't know if I should be doling out the cash for haircuts when I'm 30 grand in debt. Hahaha... that'll fix itself... somehow... Damn these expensive braces.

Cheers,
SG

By disco stick she means....

2009-10-24T20:20:00.001-07:00

So I was playing some music off of my iPod when it shuffled to Lady Gaga's Lovegame.

The lyric of interest was "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick." My brother, who just started grade 8 this year, came up to me and re-sang this verse as "I wanna take a ride on your... [and then he yells] DICK!" I think he gets the euphemism.

Love and Laughs,
Stay-at-HomeGay

Glee!

2009-10-21T23:30:00.001-07:00

Okay, so has anyone been watching Glee? I am in love with this show.

In particular, I love the male solos, sooooo hot. I'm surprised a show like this is doing so well, but I'm glad. There's definitely some gender role flexibility occurring as well, so its popularity is definitely a good sign. (Although Finn's character does seem unbelieveably unintelligent sometimes)

But on the whole, Go Glee!

Cheers,
SAHG

A friday in the life...

2009-10-16T20:10:00.001-07:00

I would like to start off by apologizing for the lack of academic discussion this year. I'm doing some sensitive research that I am forbidden to speak about. I've read a few interesting articles, but I found the subject so esoteric (and let's be honest, boring) that I decided not to blog about it.

What I can talk about are the participants I run in my research. Typical college aged sample, but of course everyone is different which makes it fun for me.

Today was a really good day. My colleague was going to run my ex-bff. The abridged version, he was a paranoid, critical male who likely had an anxious ambivalent attachment style. I really wanted to look at his survey results at the end of the study, but unfortunately he didn't show up. He probably had a new plaything to terrorize.

On a much lighter note, THE hottest guy came in today. He was so amazingly delicious that I thought I was going to lose my sh*t. I have yet to meet a guy who could do that to me upon our first meeting. Let me try to describe him. Black hair, tall, ohh glasses!, skinny but muscular build, fair skinned and to top it off playful and positive personality (oh, and I could totally see his nipples through his shirt). Sure I probably didn't do him justice. Maybe I should have stuck with a long string of suggestive cat noises.

I'm blogging on the bus today. I don't really feel like doing any more work today. I got up at 5am and left the lab at 6pm. It has been a long day and I feel very dirty and greasy. When I went to buy sushi, the cashier told me to grab another pack at no charge. Cheap Fridays at the sushi place on campus, I should remember.

I guess I'll end with, I need to get laid. Real bad. Hahaha.

Political Science is X_X

2009-10-09T22:41:00.001-07:00

Is it sad that I find the Canadian system of government immensely boring? Apart from the occasional name-calling and backdoor deals, it's just one lonnnnggg dry read. But I must persevere, so that I can at least have a basic understanding of politics.

Oh my gosh, Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. I really wasn't expecting that. I wonder if the same was true when Pearson won. I was skeptical at first, I'll be honest. But I guess he deserves it...

I was at the lab for 8 hours this Thursday. It was too much. My brain is fried.

I ate a bowl of fried rice, a bowl of cereal, a skor bar, a slice of pizza, 2 slices of pumpkin pie, and a bowl of pasta today. Wow, that sounds like a lot more than I thought.

Hahaha, okay okay. I was bored yesterday night, so I shaved my legs. Just shaved them clean. No one will see since I'm not going to be wearing shorts till a long time. Here are some observations/thoughts post-shave:

1) My arms seem very hairy now.
2) I can't wait until it grows back, I wonder if it'll grow back thicker and more wiry.
3) Eh, it's not that smooth.
4) It feels like sister's legs *shudders*
5) So it wasn't the hair that was making my legs look big...

As you can see, I'm really busy doing important work. Have a great long weekend everyone. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,
-SG

Remembering...

2009-10-04T02:14:00.001-07:00

There are some special moments that I've had with Chris that I wanted to share and write down so I don't forget down the line.

Moment #1:

Lying on top of him on his couch and attempting to tickle him.

"I'm not ticklish," he says.

So I change tactics and go for his sides. His arms quickly go down to block with a cute and innocent smile on his face.

I stop and kiss him instead.

Moment #2:

At the pier, overlooking the water. It's raining. His umbrella held over our heads and he moves in for a kiss.

Moment #3:

"I want to be your boyfriend and mate," he says.

"I want you to be," I say.

~~It's moments like these that make it so impossible for me to move on. How can I when I have a chance with him. I'm going to gamble it for a while longer, I'm all in.~~

Sincerely,
-SG

Another week another post.

2009-09-26T13:46:00.001-07:00

I felt like blogging today and guess what? Exactly one week from my previous one. I suppose I'm falling into a pattern.

Work:

I hosted a big and fancy drinking event yesterday and it made me feel real good. Got to drink a bit with my new coworkers, my boss is wild hahaha. Also got to get out there and meet people. It was great and then I went to the lab right afterward, red faced and more clumsy than usual.

Chris:

My feelings for him are fluctuating, but they never sway all the way to detachment. I just don't want to give up that hope that things will get better. Call it naievty or irrational optimism, I want things to turn out better. I want to believe in a world where we can make it through hard work and perseverance. I saw him again today... he has a way about him that I can't help but love...

Andrew:

A weird character has appeared in my life, Andrew. He kind of has a lonely past, so I wanted to befriend him and get him to open up. Little did I know a sh*tstorm was a brewing in the distance. Turns out, he has become a club and gym scene gay. Interacting with him is pretty superficial and he gets pretty b*tchy when he isn't in the limelight.

Ohh, one of my besties knows him too, and I think he's starting to get pissed off at Andrew. You see, on facebook, Andrew has about 600 friends, yet he's texting me on an almost daily basis. Might I also say, I've only actually met Andrew three times, twice at different parties and another time was movie with friends. We haven't ever talked much.

He's also a slutbag. He has a "boyfriend" yet he still talks about going to parties for the "opportunties". Ughhh.... really, are these the people I attract?

Besties:

Going out with besties in 2 hours. I really need to see them. They are the glue that keeps me together as a person. They bought me a new computer monitor this year (as mine was from the early stone ages) and one of them even offered to b*tch Andrew out for some things he had texted me. I'm glad I have them, they are my secret source of optimism and good energy. I'm going to need to dip in there a few times this year.

Cheers guys,
-SG

Pulled my lower leg muscle! Ouch!

2009-09-19T00:01:00.001-07:00

I don't know how, but in the minutiae of my everyday routine, I pulled the muscle on the back of my lower leg. Not while I was moving, not while I was working as a tour guide, but just in living my everyday life. I feel like that's my body's way of telling me that I'm aging or that I might be pushing myself to hard. A fellow co-worker of mine was telling me that it all goes downhill after 20. How reassuring... thanks for the sentiment.

Chris is going through an rapid downward spiral financially and though I try to be there for him the best I can, I know that he is probably the only one who can pull himself out and that it will probably be quite some time. Damn you failing economy.

I fear graduation. It means real life. Luckily I'm taking a year off to figure things out and basically take the opportunity to work in a bunch of different fields.

I've been talking with the good sister for a few days now via webcam. It actually feels like she hasn't left at all. She seems pretty happy so far, which is good. Let's just hope she finds some employment soon. I might even fly out to see her during Spring Break, it'll be a nice and fairly cheap act of spontaneity.

Living with mother has been settling. At first, we fought a LOT, but we've come to adapt to one another and things are... fairly good. I think the key is going to school 5 out of 7 days of the week. Hahaha, no no, she's great.

That's all for now. Peace, love and all that good stuff.

Sincerely,
-SG

First Week

2009-09-12T08:54:00.001-07:00

So busy. It's just running from one place to another.

Took mother to the doctor yesterday and watched her get about 10 shots... not pleasant, but I was there for emotional support. Had a going away dinner with sister and saw her off at the airport, what will I do without her (I have a lot more bills and a mother to care for now).

I'm trying to speed through lab coordinating. I make 90% use of my time in the lab and the other 10% is casual conversation, then I'm out.

Running to the bookings job. The general inquiries alone are slowing me down, but when the clock strikes, I'm out of there.

I had my first dream about another guy today. He took me out, enjoyed my company, and genuinely appreciated me for me. I haven't had that in a while and it's not like Chris is in any capacity to provide that to me. But at the same time, of course my imagination would create the perfect guy who met my needs.

I'm behind in readings. ME, BEHIND! *gasp* Going to hit the books.

Update: Wait wait, the doctor that mother goes to is SUPER HOT and supposedly single. Why would a hot, rich, male doctor be single you ask? Perhaps, I need to get in his pants to find out. Oh gosh, hahaha, I haven't cracked a joke like that in a while.

You know I love you guys,
-SG

School starts up again tomorrow.

2009-09-07T22:46:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh! I didn't do any pre-reading this year. I feel so unprepared. Thankfully I'll be doing a lot of research this year... and hopefully only one large paper.

Ahhh! It's my last year and then off to the real world. Ahhhh! I still want to Ace my courses but I also want to make friends and have more fun in my last year.

I'm not ready to graduate. What was I thinking.... Ahhhh!

Wish me luck tomorrrow, I'm still prepping todo lists at the moment and updating my calendar.

Much love,
-SG

Quick Moving Post

2009-08-29T00:49:00.001-07:00

Super last minute move tomorrow. I spent my day off (which I took off due to ridiculous fatigue) packing. I think I'm good. I'm just really worried about not having internet for a while. I think I might pull my hair out.

So bare with me as I move, I hope to be up and online again in a weeks time or else I might pass out from withdrawal symptoms.

Love you lots as always,
-SG

Tour Guide Drama

2009-08-25T23:59:00.001-07:00

Apparently a few secret shoppers came by while we were doing our tours and someone did not perform adequately enough and so was fired. Our manager tried to defend our staff but the higher ups won in the end. I still don't know who got fired, but I hope it's not the person I'm thinking of.

Oooo, one of the research assistants at the lab works really close by to where I work. I kind of watched him from a distance when I had spare time. He's really cute. He made me a better tour guide, Hahaha, by keeping me smiling.

I helped mother pay for her car insurance and now I'm in the negatives. She also wanted us to move into this cockroach infested sty to save $100. They were in the refrigerator for gosh sakes.

Needless to say, the move is quite stressful. Bills need transferring, things need to be boxed and moved. Unfortunately, since I wasn't expecting to move, I didn't book anytime off work. So it's essentially a 41 hour work week for me and then during spare time, moving. I'm surprised at how calm I am about everything, didn't even throw one tantrum (although if some new issue comes up, who knows).

Tired... but at least I'm makin' some money.

Cheers,
-SG

I think once a week is all I can do.

2009-08-16T11:49:00.001-07:00

I'm expecting life to be very busy these days. I was planning on heading out to the park today, but I think I'm a bit too tired.

So I'm going to be lab coordinating and booking for a year, while taking courses. I want to do a research presentation next year, so I'll need to write a research paper. My lab co-workers tell me that I should take a break before September starts and I guess I'm really starting to consider it.

Maybe a week or two... or three. So I'm thinking I won't be able to post everyday like I used to, which is unfortunate, but life changes I suppose.

Hahaha, sorry, I guess I'm feeling a bit down today. Good sister is moving far away and a really good friend is leaving for her home country next week.

Oh I'm also moving back home... now that good sister will no longer be available to take care of mother. Thank goodness I got a stable job this year. Excuse me, mother calls, we are going to see another home. Will I be able to handle seeing her 24/7? I guess we'll have to see....

Sincerely,
-SG

I promise the next post won't be a downer. ^_^

Volunteer, Work, Volunteer, Work, BF?, Moving

2009-08-09T19:28:00.001-07:00

32 hours as a lab coordinator, 6 hours in bookings and another 6 in tour guiding, add in 12 hours of weekly travel time and I guess I pretty much have no life. I think everything will cool down in September but I can't wait.

Starting mid-August, I'm going to be doing 20 hours as lab coordinator, 6 hours in booking, 30 hours tour guiding, with 15 hours travel time. I think I might pass out. It's only two weeks though, I think I'll survive.

Then it's back to school. I kind of miss it. I'm excited to be returning, I'm doing a lot of research credits in my last year, so it's just a lot of conducting research with the occasional poli sci and nutrition course on the side.

I saw Chris a few days ago. We took a 3 hour walk together. His health is getting a bit better but it's still below average. The walk made me really happy. We talked about random things, ethics, history, our lives, etc. He's the one person I know that actually enjoys intellectually stimulating conversation. I was giddy and smiling for a few days afterwards. It's been 5-6 months since I've last saw him, so it was a treat.

I'm going to be moving back home soon with mother. She needs me, so that's where I'll be. Oh, and if I do have surgery in the upcoming year, then I'll probably need her too.

I get next weekend off, I'm excited. I need to do something really exciting. Clubbing.... hiking.... watching a sunrise/sunset.... food.... we'll see.

Sincerely,
-SG

Volunteered for Pride

2009-08-01T17:26:00.001-07:00

Yay, it was fun. I asked the BFFs to come with, but they didn't want to wake up at 5am in the morning.

It was good though. I met a bunch of cool and different people. One guy was really suave looking but kind of scary (he talked about how he got into fights in high school), which was interesting because that's usually not something you hear from a volunteer. I met this one girl who I hit it off with instantly for some reason, I think it's because we are in the same faculty. Another guy actually reminded of one of the Mexican neighbours from the old place. I befriended the latter two and guess what? We go to the same university! Yay!

Volunteering gave me a really good rush. My brother was mentioning how much happier I seemed today.

Busy, busy, busy. I'm so glad that it's a long weekend for me. Anywho, that's what's new with me.

I'll be heading to the BFFs in two hours.... what to do until then...

Sincerely,
SG

Volunteering/Working my a** off.

2009-07-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

Returned to the tour guide business and worked a good solid 24 hours over the last three days. It was exhausting. When I came home the second day, I slept for a good 6 hours before getting up to do a few random things and then heading off to bed again. I like being on my feet though. It's a welcome change from sitting down all the time.

Being a lab coordinator is great! I do have to admit that it's taking up a good portion of my time as well. At least 15 hours a week. And then running studies for the other lab...

If I work 24 hours as a tour guide, 15 hours as a lab coordinator, 4 hours as a research assistant, 6 hours in bookings... factor in time that I need to do basic life sustaining activities... and there goes my week. I'm so glad I quit fundraising. I think I'd pull my hair out if I didn't.

I kind of need this though. Being a workaholic is therapeutic for some reason. Hahaha, enough ruminating about the past. I've got to push push push and make my future as bright as possible.

Oh, I've been biking, walking, and occasionally jogging/running more than usual these days. It's a great rush. I'm still a bit cautious when biking though... because of an accident I had a while back where I fell off my bike and rolled down a steep hill and looked like scarface for a month for so. Hahaha, I can't help but slow down during turns and especially when going downhill.

Anywho, that's life so far. How is life everyone?

Thanks for reading, I appreciate you a lot.

Some music:

Yours truly,
-SG

Mixed Bag

2009-07-12T00:06:00.001-07:00

I quit fundraising. Yep, I did. The pay is good, the job is... cr*p. I might still have to work two more shifts because I can't seem to find someone to cover. The BFFs like to say that I went postal on the job, but it wasn't all that bad. It just wasn't all that great either. It doesn't really pad the resume and it doesn't really garner anything except sympathy.

Being a research assistant is great! I get to go to the beach to hand out surveys, run studies in the lab, a bit of data entry, and also managing other newer RAs as well. If only it were paid, I think I'd be in heaven. (Sidenote, I'm getting a nice tan from the beachgoing... ^_^)

I think I'm starting to understand that Chris won't suddenly appear to sweep me off my feet. I don't know, a part of me used to think that he'd magically appear and say "Hi" and everything would be great again. Like today for example, I announced on facebook that I'd be conducting research on the beach, so people should feel free to stop by and help me out (they'd get free stuff for participating). He replied back and asked for more details about the study... and then didn't show up (or maybe he didn't see me...).

Its difficult knowing how your ex is doing. It's like they are living this whole other life and even though you kind of want to be a part of it, you can't, or at least you don't want to for fear that you may not be able to maintain the illusion of being "just friends." Can Chris and I ever truly be "just friends?" I think that would only be possible if I were seriously dating another guy... or like last time, when I spent multiple years just pretending he didn't exist.

C'est la vie. I kind of want some good ole fashion lovin'. Hahaha, but I don't want to do the work of getting into another relationship. Me thinks I should read some smutty romance novels. And that's how I'll end the post.

Love,
SG

My mouth... it hurts....

2009-06-30T09:13:00.001-07:00

A new orthodontist joined the team today. At first, I thought he smelt like cum (hahaha... he did), which lead me to think about all of the wacky adventures he may have had prior to coming to his 7.30am appointment with your fellow Stay-at-Home Gay. My teeth are soo sore right now, thank goodness for molars. Sturdy, sturdy molars.

Chris texted me two days ago while I was out watching movies with friends. I guess I'm not over him yet because I went into an emotional spiral afterwards. No one said transitioning back into a friendship would be easy, but I'm committed to the idea.

I volunteer more than I work, that's so weird. Although I recently got promoted to coordinator for the lab, so I'm pretty happy with myself.

I bought a pair of skinny jeans yesterday, and now I think I'm going to return them for regular jeans. Hahaha, what was I thinking. I don't think I fit the skinny jean culture enough to wear them (and they make my legs look weird according to mother).

Anywho.... hahaha, off to the lab I go, I have meeting to attend which I need to prepare for.

Canada Day is coming up soon! Yay Canada!

Much love,
-SG

Name Brand and Quality? vs. Variety and Quantity

2009-06-22T14:38:00.001-07:00

I went shopping with the BFF this weekend and was kind of shocked by the amount of money that he spent. All name branded things with SALE prices ranging from $30-$70 for one item. Being very curious about my own spending habits, I compared the amount he spent on this one weekend with the amount that I spend on clothing.

For the amount of money he paid for one days worth of shopping, I had spent the same amount over the course of 10 months.

But let's do a more thorough comparison.

He bought a polo shirt, a summer jacket, two pairs of jeans, and a belt. With roughly the same amount of money I bought two pairs of cargo shorts, six graphic tees, a polo shirt, four buttoned shirts, three pairs of jeans, two hoodies, a winter coat, a sweater, three cardigans, and two pairs of sunglasses.

I'm shocked.

I don't really know how to feel. I guess, I'm kind of worried that I might not be getting quality clothing... but on the other hand, I love the variety of my wardrobe.

Whats your opinon? Which do you prefer?

Much Love,
-SG

Lab drama. I love it.

2009-06-19T23:07:00.001-07:00

I'm really liking the lab work. I managed to get an amazing professor, who is willing to give me a lot of responsibilities. Although, I'm currently competing with another intern (Diane) for the coveted summer research project. I'm currently in the lead because I showed initiative and directly asked for the project. She, on the otherhand, showed an interest only after I mentioned it. You should have seen the exchange of words we had today.

Scene:

Both her and I are in the room along with another intern, Rose who is already working on a project (Rose is the best, by the way, she has a wonderful soft spoken nature. Not to mention, she is absolutely beautiful.)

Rose: We really do need to do this other research project that could be combined with our current research project. SG, you have free time, you should do it.

Diane (facing me): I'm sorry, I want to do that project.

Me: That's up to the professor.

I could have smacked her upside her head. I'm sorry, but I am not backing down because some third rate intern apologizes to me. From the get-go, I have explicitly stated that I wanted the summer research project and would be willing to put any amount of hours and training it takes to get it. She thinks she can just waltz right in and ask me to give her the project. N-O.

I'm going to be in the lab for 12 hours a day managing everything if I have to. No one out researches SG, NO ONE! Muahahahaha!

*sigh* And that's my life so far. How is everyone doing? Hehehe, I want to hear stories either via email or via the comments.

Much love,
-SG

Oops...

2009-06-14T12:13:00.001-07:00

I've noticed that I posted some comments from my lab's gmail account. Hahaha, so I had to go back and delete and re-post comments. I hope no one at the lab finds out. I don't think they want to be associated with my personal life.

Oops...

A very clumsy,
-SG

Update Update Update

2009-06-08T12:20:00.001-07:00

Gaming:
- Got the Sims 3, playing it like no other.

Movies:
- watched New In Town (Liked it!)
- watched Confessions of a Shopaholic (Loved it!)
- watched Lucky You (Had already seen it but didn't realize it until half way through the movie)
- watched PS I Love You (Subtly sad and enjoyable)
- watched While You Were Sleeping (I still love Sandra Bullock)
- watched Coraline (Surprisingly scary)

Facebook Surprises:
- Two friends of one of my BFFs started talking to me, even though I don't really know them apart from perhaps a birthday party or two

Work Surprises:
- Suddenly became fast friends with one of my female co-workers, it kind of just happened very naturally
- Realized that even though I help run the nonprofit aspects of an organization (bookings), there isn't much room to think outside of the box
- Applied to be a Subway Sandwich artist
- Will be returning to being a tour guide in a few months

Volunteering:
- Signed up to volunteer for various pride events
- Submitting application for a summer internship in psychology later today

Personal:

All over the place. Happy at times, annoyed at times too. I feel like I need to get out and do more but the BFFs are surprisingly against some of the more outdoor type activities that I want to do. Have to plan for my last year and what I'm going to do post graduating as well as start studying, volunteering, and getting references for graduate school.

I think the biggest thing is I want to grow up a bit more. Be more confident, be a little bit more manly (without compromising my compassionate side), and make more friends (like you guys).

Much love,
-SG

Oh Tim, Tim, Tim...

2009-06-04T04:42:00.001-07:00

I met Tim on the job again. He's an interesting character.

There's something about him and the way he speaks that is a bit different from the guys I meet on a day-to-day basis. Perhaps, he seems a bit more interested in my life than the average guy, which originally led me to believe that he may have an inclination towards men. However, an equally plausible explanation may be that he's interested in being closer friends. I think the alternative is more parsimonious.... right?

He asked for my facebook today. I'm interested to see his facebook, it'll help me get a better point of view on the type of guy he is. I need to exercise my psychology muscles.

Apart from that everything is same old, same old. I need to find more fun and exciting things to do. Oh, I am working out a bit and trying to keep on my feet. I think I'm growing some muscle, hahaha, let's hope it stays.

Until next time guys,
-SG

Life Life Life, there's momentum building up.

2009-05-24T13:54:00.001-07:00

Contents:
1. Hmm... Did that mean something?
2. Work/Volunteering

Hmm... Did that mean something?

Okay, so I was busing home with a fellow coworker last week, Tim. He's really cute. Appearance-wise, he kind of looks like a younger version of Chris, he's younger than myself by a couple of years. Personality-wise, he's shy and cute, very adorable.

We were talking about fairly standard things on the bus, basically tips and tricks on how to be a better fundraiser, since I did fairly well that day.

All of a sudden, he asks me "How is your love life?" I was caught off guard with this question, and responded by saying, "I'm newly single, so kinda got kicked in the pants. How about you?" To which he replied, "Nah, my pants are safe."

The conversation continued on the topic for a while. "Was she a university student?" I said no to this comment... Did I really want to go into the "Oh no I'm into guys" thing?

Anywho three things come to mind?

1. Do people ask about each others' love life so out of the blue like that?
2. Maybe I should have been more honest about my sexuality... But I just met the guy...
3. Hmmm... maybe for one reason another he was trying to figure out if I like guys?

Work/Volunteering:

Busy busy busy. I feel like there is a lot to do, even though it might not seem that way to others.

Fundraising is going good, I beat my daily goals and made up for the days I didn't meet goals. My boss even sent me a congratulatory email about the progress I've made in the first few weeks.

Bookings is so much more work than I expected, partially because my predecessor did NO work. I had to personally look over the policy handbook with regard to bookings and update the practically nonexistent informational webpage, get it confirmed by the bookings head, and then create a set of questions based on the material within a 24 hr time frame. Needless to say, I brought work home, something I vowed never to do again after my accounting fiasco oh so many years ago. The meetings are also longer than I had expected and not at convenient times. Fortunately, I have quite a bit of power relative to the amount of work I have to do, so I think it's a fair trade-off.

I volunteered at the psych lab. It seems much more relaxed than I had expected. The volunteers don't appear to be passionate psychologists either... We'll see how that turns out. I'm running an experiment tomorrow. I have one participant so far. Hahaha, I'm going to need a lot more than that come the end of the summer.

Cheers,
-SG

The Seattle Trip

2009-05-20T11:37:00.001-07:00

The day began at 3.30am. I got up early to double check that I had all I needed for the trip, shower, and have a bit of food.

The impulsive sister texted me that she had awoken and I texted her back a polite giggle. Hahaha.

It wasn't until 5am when I heard my sister and her boyfriend (the one who knows Chris) tiptoeing quietly to the door. I was ready by then so we headed out.

Upon the advice of my sister, I wore "ugly clothes" so that we wouldn't look as suspicious (like people trying to avoid paying duties by wearing the clothes they bought from another country) when crossing the border.

Next we went to pick up impulsive sister. I have a love and hate relationship with her. Sometimes she is great and sometimes she is horribly annoying. I find that the key is to see her for only a few hours a week. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible this time. Her personality actually worked for this trip though. It is a vacation after all, so it's completely natural to be a bit more impulsive and spontaneous. I was a bit jealous of her uninhibited nature (that is before I got drunk).

Crossing the Canada/US border wasn't too exciting, very standard and took about a minute or two. The drive to Seattle was nice. There were a lot of beautiful water and forest scenes. And then came the malls.

I have to admit that there were some pretty good deals. I spent a grand total of $200 on clothes, shoes and a bag. That's a lot, I think, not including food expenses and hotel stays.

Then we hit the casino. I spent a total of $3 and immediately stopped. I just can't do it, mostly because I don't tend to win, but also because it's unlikely that I would win anything substantial.

The day ended with impulsive sister surprisingly heading to bed first while my other sister, her boyfriend and I played drinking games. It was nice to get to meet sister's boyfriend, assess his personality and their compatibility as a couple, everything seems pretty good so far. They are actually quite adorable together. I was so jealous.

On our way back to Seattle, sister's boyfriend (hmmm... maybe I'll give him a name soon) set his ipod on shuffle to set a nice mood for our return to Canada. Lots of love songs and a few songs about heartbreak. I couldn't help think about Chris. He's actually the best guy I have had the opportunity to date and he helped me realize a lot of things about myself that even I didn't know. I hope to continue being good friends with him.

Crossing the border wasn't much of a hassle and I arrived home at about 1.30am today but went to bed at around 3am after showering and having a bite to eat.

I've learned a few things from this trip
1) There are many things I haven't done.
2) I still need to work on my confidence.
3) I'm happy to have loved Chris and cherish the time we spent together as boyfriends.

I'm posting in-between my two jobs at the moment. It's nice to just sit down and just write about life and how things are going. Puts things in perspective.

Much love,
-SG

Off to Seattle!

2009-05-17T05:06:00.001-07:00

Be back in two days.

Much love over and over to you guys,
-SG

And then I was single again.

2009-05-14T22:16:00.001-07:00

So after speaking with Chris, we decided that we'd go back to being friends. To be honest, I guess it's for the best, since I wouldn't feel comfortable demanding more from him. It's going to take some getting used to (and I'm not saying that it doesn't sting a bit), but I'll manage. I always seem to manage one way or another.

But being single again, it's an interesting feeling. A lot of the tension is released and I feel more sexual at least. At the same time, I have those moments where I feel like I might just start crying. Let's give it some time.

Another story for the books.

C'est la vie,
-SG

Holy, I think I screwed up my relationship with Chris.

2009-05-12T03:00:00.001-07:00

Through the magic of my sister, I managed to find out that Chris apparently thinks that I broke up with him a month ago, when I was giving him space to heal from his pretty severe illness. Now that I think about it, I should have done it differently.

So for the past three hours, I have kind of devised a plan to win him back. Basically, I'm trying to show him that I love him (that's right, I said it, no umms... or buts...) and to do that I'm going to need to travel to the place we first met. I'm in such a hurry actually, because I feel like a s*ithead for making Chris feel bad about himself for a month before realizing what I had done. You live and learn right. Rain or shine, I'm going when the first bus leaves, in two hours. I have to make this gesture work, and I have to make it soon. Come on, he's going through all this stuff right now and he thinks we are broken up, it just kills me to think that he's thinking that.

Wish me luck guys. I'm going to do my best. That's all I can do right now... do my !@#$ing best. Will it be enough? I hope so because if it fails, I'm pretty sure I'm going to bawl my eyes.

-SG

Mother's Day.

2009-05-11T12:35:00.001-07:00

Quick Reference:
Sister #1 the pretty, popular one, whose boyfriend knows my boyfriend
Sister #2 the impulsive one who says whatever comes to mind no matter how crude and uncivilized
Sister #3 the married one, two kids, a really caring and generous person

The day started off with me going to the bank because I have $0 in my wallet. I withdrew $100. I should have withdrawn more, but we'll see how far I can stretch my $100 dollars before I'm back at the bank again.

Afterward, I joined mother on a trip to the hospital for her CT-scan. It was surprisingly fast. I was in the hospital for max 5 minutes. Results come back in a week, I am hoping that everything will come back a-okay.

While we were heading home, Mother asked me to call to make sure the women of the family had prepared the dinner they said they were going to prepare this Mother's Day. I texted sister #1 (the one whose boyfriend knows my boyfriend) to see what was going on. Her and sister #2 (the impulsive one) had just began shopping. It was 3pm by the way.

When we got home, sister #3 (the married one) arrived. Anticipating that the first two sisters would take forever buying groceries and perhaps even longer cooking, sister the third and mother started cooking (Ahhhh! That was not supposed to happen). Sister 1 and 2 soon arrived (1st sister brought her boyfriend too) and they began cooking. I later joined sister 3 in the living room to move around furniture and prepare the vegetables.

I ate about half a whole watermelon while waiting for the food to be prepared and third sister was certainly hungry as well. We all were. I would have offered to help... but the kitchen was full as it is and I was suffering from some severe energy deficiency. It did not help, when 1st sister told us to set the food out but not eat it. This took about 30 minutes. I thought I would pass out or throw up, but luckily I managed to stave off any reverse peristaltic (hurling) impulses.

The dinner was amazing and I have to say that I really like 1st sister's boyfriend above all the other boyfriends she has had. Sister the second swore, told the same joke over and over, but managed to keep her behaviour at a level that seemed to work (or maybe it was because everyone was drunk...).

Sister the third became incoherent, which was HILARIOUS! She's quite adorable when she's drunk. At one point she said, "My turn," and we all laughed because it came out of nowhere and had no purpose.

We ended up watching "Zathura", which was pretty interesting. Sister 1 and her boyfriend cuddled, oh how sweet they look together. Sister 2 went for a shower because apparently her place has no hot water. I nestled myself on a couch and doggie soon came to join me. Oh, did I mention mother has a dog now, it's great.

And that was Mother's Day. I'll be honest, it was one of the best Mother's Day I've had in a long time. The family got together and managed to not fight for the entire day. Hahaha, I guess one could say that it was a miracle.

Feelin' all warm and fuzzy inside,
-SG

It's a small world afterall... and boy is it gross.

2009-05-10T11:16:00.001-07:00

Ewwww, ewwww, ewww, ewwwwwwwwwww!

Alright, so I logged into my facebook today to catch up with what's new. I saw that Chris uploaded a few pictures, mostly scenery, so I decided to give it a look. Nothing out of the ordinary... cat... sun... bridge... my sister.... wait wait... MY SISTER (and her boyfriend)! What the, holy, mother, gahhhhhhh. It sent chills up and down my spine. Chris has spent more time with my sister than he has with me. My sister...

First thought: Holy cr*p, was this just some coincidence, and they happened to meet at the park.

Second thought: My sister had recently said that she would set me up, was Chris the guy she was talking about?

Third thought: *jokingly* I should shoot myself *jokingly* (There is no actual suicidal ideation here)

Fourth thought: Hahaha, this would be a pretty awkward and weird reason to dump Chris.

Recent thought: I guess this spices life up again. Here I thought I would be bored in the summer.

A grossed out,
-SG

P.S. I am SOOOO going to speak to my sister about this. I'll keep you updated. Happy Mother's Day!

Training Done!

2009-05-08T23:32:00.001-07:00

I feel like I've been inadequately trained for both of my summer jobs, but oh well, we'll see how things pan out.

Apparently, the last person to do my bookings job, just passed on most of her actual duties onto her superior and got paid to do essentially nothing. Unfortunately, after thoroughly reading my job manual, I accidentally told my superior some of the jobs I'm expected to do. Hahaha, so I guess I'll actually be working. It's good I guess. It will be my last year, so I would preferably like to make a strong impression on my university and possibly network a bit and find good references.

My fundraising supervisor is really cute and his boss, very hot. Supervisor has this nice sarcastic and laid back feel to him, and he and I share a similar fashion sense. Boss has salt and pepper hair... I find that really HOT.

It's mother's day soon, I need to buy something tomorrow! Ahhh, what to do.

Sincerely,
-SG

All over the place, as usual.

2009-05-03T23:15:00.001-07:00

I feel like my summer is so planned. It's starting to annoy me a bit. Hahaha, maybe I'll write down "Be spontaneous" on my calendar on a random day.

Study for next semester.
Work and study new manuals for work.
Look over GRE information.
Appointments for braces.

I'll also say I'm kind of bummed out that Chris isn't in the best financial or emotional state. I was looking forward to spending time with him this summer.

Apart from that, the BFFs are working, one full-time and the other on a very sporadic schedule, which may be what mines looks like as well. We see each other at least once a week... but I guess I would have liked more.

I'm actually looking forward to work though. I get to acquire new skills, learn more about fundraising and meet new people. A little distraction can be quite healthy at times.

I really want to go to the beach. I can't wait until it stops raining.

Sometimes I think I'm too polite for my own good. People kind of censor themselves around me because they think I'm this prim and proper person. Sure I don't swear much at all in public... but I am an adamant believer in freedom of speech. For example, I am very sex deprived these days and a hand can only do so much. Hahaha.

I will treat myself to a shopping trip this Tuesday. That will be nice. ^_^

Yours truly,
-SG

Swine flu

2009-04-30T18:23:00.001-07:00

Swine flu is at phase 5 according to the WHO, which means that a pandemic may be imminent. What to do, what to do? Go out less, and go out to less crowded spaces? Wash hands pathologically? Don't touch your hands, eyes, or mouth? These are all things I've been trying to do.

I heard that genetically the flu contains aspects of avian and human flu as well. Does anyone know more about this?

I went to Chapters a few days ago and found a book entitled "How to deal with avian flu" selling for $1. I flipped through it of course. It was only 60 pages or so. Most of the book was devoted to explaining what avian flu was. But what was their method of "dealing" with avian flu? "If you have these symptoms, go see a doctor immediately." Wow, thank you doctor, you're a genius. I think the title of the book was foolish because it may imply that one can deal with avian flu without a doctor's help and some may assume just that, if they don't go and read the ridiculous thing.

Hope everyone is taking care of themselves. If you do have flu symptoms please go see your doctor. When it comes to one's health, it's usually best to be extra cautious rather than extra risky.

Much love,
-SG

Eating healthy

2009-04-29T10:55:00.001-07:00

Interesting fact first. Turns out my nutrition professor actually works for the WHO and is an international expert on nutrition. Small world eh? I managed to take the course with her in the last year that she was teaching it.

But onto eating healthy. After taking the course, I'm finding myself being a bit more picky when going out to restaurants, the portion sizes are huge (providing at times more than half a days worth of calories in one sitting) and I don't know, I just can't do it anymore. Sure I'll enjoy the food, but at some point I start thinking... what's the nutritional value? Shouldn't I be picking food that's better for my health? I'm pretty sure they are using trans fats as opposed to the more heart healthy monounsaturated.

I guess that's the price of knowledge. My nutrition professor taught us about portioning and gave us real life examples of the amount of food that is nutritionally beneficial for a person in one day. The information continues to come to mind now. I make rough calculations of my servings from all four food groups throughout the day to make sure I'm getting everything I need. It's interesting... I'm not exactly calorie counting or anything, but in a way, I feel like I am because I'm making more conscious decisions about how much food and of which variety I need to consume throughout the day (It varies according to age and gender, check our your country's food guide to determine what's right for you).

Hahaha, and I'm cutting down my intake of junk food, or as I used to call it, meals. Mother has noticed the change. She's big on baked goods like cakes with plenty of frosting and double fudge brownies. I'm trying to get her to eat better too... I worry about her health. She has way too much coffee and muffins for my tastes. She needs more variety, preferably something green and leafy.

But boy am I tempted sometimes. Like when I see an opened bag of old dutch regular chips. *drools* I'll have a few and then a few more and then I'll stop. "A bag of chips is not a meal," I tell myself and then go on to have a proper meal.

Oh and a bowl of cereal, with plenty of bran in it, is a great way to meet nutritional requirements. I have one a day because it's an easy way to get fiber, vitamin D and A, and your serving of grain for the day.

In conclusion, check out your country's food guide. A lot of research goes into it and it takes into consideration factors such as food availability, decreasing the risk for certain chronic illnesses as well as has a large margin of safety and upper limits of intake.

Here's an example of food guide servings from the Canadian Food Guide website (Just to give you a little idea):

Vegetables and Fruit

Fresh, frozen or canned vegetables
125 mL (½ cup)

Leafy vegetables
250 mL (1 cup)

Fresh, frozen or canned fruits
1 fruit or 125 mL (½ cup)

100% Juice
125 mL (½ cup)

Grain Products

Bread
1 slice (35 g)

Bagel
½ bagel (45 g)

Flat breads
½ pita or ½ tortilla (35 g)

Cooked rice, bulgur or quinoa
125 mL (½ cup)

Cereal
Cold: 30 g
Hot: 175 mL (¾ cup)

Cooked pasta or couscous 125 mL (½ cup)

Milk and Alternatives

Milk or powered milk (reconstituted)
250 mL (1 cup)

Canned milk (evaporated)
125 mL (½ cup)

Fortified soy beverage
250 mL (1 cup)

Yogurt
175 g (¾ cup)

Cheese
50 g (1 ½ oz.)

Meat and Alternatives

Cooked fish, shellfish, poultry, lean meat
75 g (2 ½ oz.)/125 mL (½ cup)

Cooked legumes
175 mL (3/4 cup)

Tofu
150 g or 175 mL (¾ cup)

Eggs
2 eggs

Peanut or nut butters
30 mL (2 Tbsp)

Shelled nuts and seeds
60 mL (¼ cup)

Much love as usual (hope everyone is happy and healthy!),
-SG

2 Jobs so far!

2009-04-28T16:58:00.001-07:00

Don't know where I've been, but here's an update!

I got a job as a fundraiser and a bookings clerk this summer. It sounds interesting, although the total number of hours I'm working is a scant 13 hours. I'm still considering taking the tour guide job again... at least I'll get some more hours for a few weeks.

I quit tutoring... but now I'm thinking that I should get back into it, hahaha, a week after quitting. Tutoring doesn't exactly garner much respect, as I've noticed, but I guess if it pays the bills (if not my huge student loan debt...).

I'm having a pretty laid back summer so far. I don't have to think about Acing all my courses or anything. It's quite relaxing. I think I'll start studying for next term a bit early this year (like starting this week or next week). It'll be my last year next year, so I'll want to give it my all.

Oh I went to a casino a few days ago... after about an hour of observing almost everyone losing their money at the slots, I decided to leave. Something about gambling away what little money I had (especially with jobs being cut left and right) just didn't feel right.

Got an unexpected congratulatory text message from Chris. I haven't seen him for so long that it's starting to feel like we are just starting to date again, hahaha, it's nice I guess. I think I've pretty much adapted myself to the current state of our relationship, so I don't see it as being much of a struggle anymore. He has stuff to deal with and I have stuff to deal with, we'll connect when we connect.

Warm regards indeed (I've got some nice sunny weather here ^_^)
-SG

Studies in Sexuality, a few interesting tidbits.

2009-04-25T11:55:00.001-07:00

There are two areas of the spinal cord that are involved in producing erections. In the lumbar region of the spinal cord, there is an area that controls psychogenic erections or the erections we get from fantasies and visual/auditory stimulation. In the sacral region (lower than the lumbar region), there is an area that controls reflexive erections or the erections that arise from direct penile stimulation. So those with spinal cord injuries may still have one kind of erection, both kinds of erection (if the nerves grow around the area of damage), or neither.

Gay couples in Canada only account for .5% of all couples in Canada and most are found in large urban areas. I was a bit disappointed when I read this statistic.

There are more gay men than there are lesbians (I think it was 13% and 7%, thus how we get the commonly referenced statistic that 10% of the population is gay), but there are more bisexual women than there are bisexual men.

Oral sex is a low risk activity with the potential to transmit HIV. I often read about research indicating that scientists aren't sure if oral sex can transmit HIV, so I thought it was important to emphasize this point. Transmission is possible, so play safe or be in a monogamous loving relationship where both partners have been tested.

The average amount of ejaculate is only about 5 calories. Hahaha, I thought that was interesting, I don't think anyone calorie counts when they are having sex, do they?

Kissing occurs less often than manual or oral stimulation of genitals across cultures.

Hope you learned something interesting.

Reference

Rathus, S. A., Nevid, J. S., Fichner-Rathus, J., Herold, E. S., and McKenzie, S. W. (2007). Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity. Toronto: Person.

Sincerely,
-SG

Beautiful, isn't it?

2009-04-24T12:37:00.001-07:00

Why can't the cute one's be smart too...

2009-04-21T00:44:00.001-07:00

Alrighty, so there is this guy, let's call him Greggy. So cute, probably one of the most adorable guys I have ever had the opportunity to meet. I met him a year ago during tour guide training.

He recently opened up his own online business... through this other company (he's the middle man I believe, shipping various products for other companies) and asked me to come check it out. Guess what he's selling... nutritional supplements, detergent, overpriced cosmetics and water that supposedly makes you physically more balanced and flexible or something. *rests his forehead on him hands*

My academic's skepticism kicked in of course. I asked about the science behind the nutritional supplements and was treated to a 10 minute film that told me nothing that I don't already know (that nutrients are in foods and that they can be extracted into pill form). First of all, most of us health conscious people, eat adequate amounts of food that we don't require supplementation. Secondly, with food fortification the way it is, supplementation would most likely be giving us an excess amount of nutrients, which can be dangerous, especially with fat-soluble vitamins such as vitamin A (my other concern is vitamin C, a water-soluble vitamin we find in 100% dosages in fruit beverages and certain candies). Thirdly, supplementation can never beat a consistent pattern of healthy eating. I'm sorry to say that there is no quick fix to being healthy.

Detergent... yes it was interesting, but not so interesting that I would go out of my way to buy it. It's detergent afterall.

The demonstration of the cosmetics was confusing. She rubbed some of the cosmetic on a sliced piece of apple and said, "see it doesn't brown or oxidize as fast." First of all, I think human skin is at least a little different from a sliced piece of apple. Second, what does the demonstration mean for the consumer apart from being eye-catching? I guess one may think that it may have something to do with oxidants and our skin?

The water... it's water people. I'm not paying more money for water unless I'm shown some outstanding double-blind clinical trials with adequate sampling procedures and objective measures of effectiveness.

Greggy wants me to join his company and has really been trying to reel me in. I feel like I'm just this business opportunity in his eyes... hmm... too bad, I thought it would be nice to have such an adorable friend (that's not to say that it can't happen... but I think that would have to involve us not taking about business).

Hmmm... one could say that if he makes a lot of money, what does it matter? And I guess that depends on one's values. I don't want to sell products that I have no faith in, nor do I want to add fuel to a market that isn't really needed at all. And we also can't assume that he'll make a lot of money either... I hope he doesn't put himself in a compromising situation.

Probably weren't expecting such a complicated post based on the title eh?

Until we meet again,
-SG

I'm done!

2009-04-19T18:22:00.001-07:00

I put myself on overdrive today and read 250 pages and then took my exam right after. I couldn't stand the wait any longer. My first summer without classes!

I'm compiling an itinerary as we speak. My to do list needs some completing too. So excited! Four whole months of a relaxed state of mind, wow, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

Must go to the beach, must have ice cream at the beach, hmm... what else...

Your ecstatic,
-SG

Funny randomness.

2009-04-18T20:11:00.001-07:00

My mind has become jello due to final exams, so this post will strictly be silly. lol.

My older sister once told me that she never passes gas. Big mistake. Hahaha, I point out whenever she passes gas now, it's quite the riot. I also remind her when she says she never passes gas. "Remember that time on the stairs on that windy day that you thought no one would notice."

I'm getting really desperate with the job search. So desperate it makes me feel like a child who is told to not eat candy that is placed right in front of him (Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but not for you). I've been working my charm but nothing that pays well is biting. The tour guides want me to come back... but they don't give enough work. Hahaha, then I was thinking of things I could say to guarantee that I would get the job and for some reason, "give me the job or I will kill you" came to mind (I've been watching too much stand-up).

Felt a bit depressed today, but after "playing with my fiddle", I was back to my happy energetic self. The same older sister once asked me if I wanted to become a woman (ahhh stereotypes about gay men), to which I replied, "I love having a penis and the favourable gender inequalities that come with it." (Can anyone say "Sociological...ZAM!")

Excuse me while I use the restroom,
-SG

Feels very touched today.

2009-04-17T19:17:00.001-07:00

I received an email from my sexuality professor today commending me on my personal blog for the class. I got an additional 10% for my blog and he sent me some of the comments from other students. A lot of them were really touching and made me feel like I wrote something of substance that may have facilitated their personal growth or understanding of the course material.

It felt really nice and has made me even more excited about meeting up with some of my classmates after the exam period.

Feeling a very calm sort of content right now.

Yours truly,
-SG

The Randomness of Life

2009-04-15T22:39:00.001-07:00

Told mother about my red bumps to which she half-jokingly replied, "Is it because you sleep around?" It was interesting because she doesn't usually make reference to my sex life and that she thinks I sleep around.

I happened to run into one of my BFF's gay friends. He was surprisingly more normal than I expected, hahaha, perhaps because I often hear stories about his relationships... he's wild in his relationships shall we say. Hahaha.

I killed two wood bugs so far and then I had a dream that I killed seven more.

I had a fantasy about Chris... it was hot. It was very "Luck in the Shadows"-like (Flynn Flewelling). Him coming to the rescue and then we slowly... okay, I just can't go any further, I'll overblush myself.

Going for another interview tomorrow, I hope I get it because of all of the jobs I've applied for so far (about 10 I think), I've only gone to one actual interview. I need a full-time summer job, but if that doesn't work out, any job, I'll even combine different part-time jobs if I have to.

Oh yea, I'm horny... wait wait... really horny. Hahaha. I like how with all my academic training, I still can't find a better way of expressing this point in a non-esoteric manner.

Much love,
-SG

Hmm... Chris...

2009-04-15T21:13:00.001-07:00

It's interesting... Chris has been going through a lot of personal difficulties in his life and it definitely has put a tiny halt in our relationship, well in the sense that we don't really see each other or talk as often.

At first, I found the time apart tough because I felt kind of ignored (that was before I knew that he was actually going through a lot). But as we got talking, during those few short periods between the weeks, I was surprised at how close we are actually becoming, considering we have only dated for about 3 months. He was willing to share some really personal details about how he's doing and slowly, he's opening up more and more. I like being there for him and I like that he's starting to get comfortable relying on me for emotional support. It'll be tough, but I think I'll stick with it.

-SG

And the doctor's diagnosis is... drum roll

2009-04-12T18:51:00.001-07:00

wait.

Two things could happen:
1) It will get better and not recur.
2) I'll get a lot more spots which would be indicative of some sort of bug or insect bite.

It's actually nice to get a doctor's opinion. I hope it's number 1).

-SG

Red bumps?

2009-04-11T21:17:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'm starting to notice clusters of red bumps on the skin on my right arm, my lower right leg, my right knee, my right hip and the left side of my torso.

Seeing as I've never experienced such a random dispersal of bumps before, I'm considering several causes. I've washed my sheets, taped up a few open spots where bugs may be hiding, took a reactine and vacuumed. If I still get more bumps, hmm... I think I'll have to change strategies, go to a doctor, and maybe get an exterminator.

Has anyone else had a similar problem or heard of a similar problem? It doesn't seem like bed bugs. Maybe it's spiders or some other insect?

Ohhh new music! Kate Perry.

One of the Boys

-SG